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Definitions... and Ethical Responsibility
Hi All,
I'm throwing this question to all of my fellow Massage Therapists because I need to know if any of you have ever found yourself in this situation. Here goes: I have a part time massage therapy job in a sort of "mom and pop" type establishment. I"ve been working there about 5 months and I've noticed that 90% of the clients that come in there are 1. Males, and 2. they ask for a "light touch" massage. I'm beginning to suspect that this establishment is not as honest as they claim to be. When I'm asked for a light touch massage, I tell them I do swedish.... etc... a few of them have even gone as far as to ask me out right for sex, and I've always ended the massage right then and there and left the room. I was also told by most of the male clients "well the other girls do it, why dont you?" Needless to say I dont seem to be having any return clients. Most of the clients I get generally ask for me again, but those are the nice decent ones that have never tried anything physical with me. I mentioned this to the owner, but he just kind of laughed it off. The question I have for you all is What is the definition of "light touch massage?" I've seriously considered reporting this to my state agency, but I do not want to unjustly accuse other therapists if that one client was stretching the truth. Any thoughts????
Becca
Views: 7544
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Josh, DeliberateWebSolutions.com on
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Get the hell out of there. :-/
I can't imagine working there is doing your self esteem any good. That's reason enough to leave.
Wishing you well.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Batac on
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Wow, red flag galore! I agree with both prior posts!
Just so you know, I have had several men, and one woman, ask for 'other' services, and even stating that the other girls do it. I stopped the sessions immediately, told the owner, and said if it happened again, I quit. So, I quit a month later at one place! It happens, it sucks, but you take control of the massage at that point, which you did, good job!
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Its very difficult when an employer puts you in a position like this. Clearly he has priorities that don't involve your well being. I'm sorry you're in this position. You'll find other work though. The universe will open a way.
Michelle Batac said:Wow, red flag galore! I agree with both prior posts!
Just so you know, I have had several men, and one woman, ask for 'other' services, and even stating that the other girls do it. I stopped the sessions immediately, told the owner, and said if it happened again, I quit. So, I quit a month later at one place! It happens, it sucks, but you take control of the massage at that point, which you did, good job!
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Sounds like you could do a lot better than this place. Red flags for sure...Get yourself OUT of there! Good luck.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel Cohen on
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It is a tactic guys use to see if they can get you to do it. In business it is used to get a price down. "X company offered us .10 cents cheaper/unit. We really prefer to keep doing business with you if you can only come close." You can't be sure X made the offer but you meet it half way rather than losing the business. It is a test line. Once a guy used it with one of my Therapists. I knew he had tried it before and refused to tip when he didn't get a happy ending. I wasn't there the first time. This time I told him to leave and not return.
Guys may ask to see if extras they hope for are available. If a simple no isn't enough to make it clear I think it then becomes harassment. I think the red flag is management's attitude when it is reported.
Usually you can tell what a person is looking for and it can be stopped at the front door. Our open store front with visible entry and hallway stops most of it. You can see men park, stand near the window and then walk across the street to the place with double door entry and blacked out windows.
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Also realize that this type of approach is used by vice to check on prostitution at massage places. The Police will usually mention extra money for the recording because conviction requires extra charges for the extra service. I know of three times this was done at our place. Two mentioned that everything was ok when leaving, they were checking for "genital draping and fondling".
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Wow, good to know! Thanks Daniel!
Daniel Cohen said:Also realize that this type of approach is used by vice to check on prostitution at massage places. The Police will usually mention extra money for the recording because conviction requires extra charges for the extra service. I know of three times this was done at our place. Two mentioned that everything was ok when leaving, they were checking for "genital draping and fondling".
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Wow, that's screwed up. These are people they're insulting. I hate to here of stuff like this. :(
As a male massage therapist I was approached by both sexes and it never feels good. Its always destructive to one's self esteem.
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Now I'm confused. How does it relate to your own self esteem? Turning down sexual requests in no way makes me think less of myself. You might even consider it a reassertion of self esteem. Seems it relates more to their unsatisfying sex life.
Joshua Guffey (@TechGuyLikesZen) said:
Wow, that's screwed up. These are people they're insulting. I hate to here of stuff like this. :(
As a male massage therapist I was approached by both sexes and it never feels good. Its always destructive to one's self esteem.
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I don't know my friend. It just does. :-/
Has it happened to you?
Daniel Cohen said:Now I'm confused. How does it relate to your own self esteem? Turning down sexual requests in no way makes me think less of myself. You might even consider it a reassertion of self esteem. Seems it relates more to their unsatisfying sex life.
Joshua Guffey (@TechGuyLikesZen) said:
Wow, that's screwed up. These are people they're insulting. I hate to here of stuff like this. :(
As a male massage therapist I was approached by both sexes and it never feels good. Its always destructive to one's self esteem.
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Incidentally, I think that the first time is harrassament.
Massage therapists don't get into the industry with the hope of fielding sexual advanced in closed rooms with 'paying clients'. You could make an arguement that this "could be expected in this industry" and while that may be true, it certainly shouldn't be.
Allowing a client to return after such an experience strikes me as both a business liability and irresponsible disregard with regard to employee safety.
But we all have to make our decisions.
Daniel Cohen said:It is a tactic guys use to see if they can get you to do it. In business it is used to get a price down. "X company offered us .10 cents cheaper/unit. We really prefer to keep doing business with you if you can only come close." You can't be sure X made the offer but you meet it half way rather than losing the business. It is a test line. Once a guy used it with one of my Therapists. I knew he had tried it before and refused to tip when he didn't get a happy ending. I wasn't there the first time. This time I told him to leave and not return.
Guys may ask to see if extras they hope for are available. If a simple no isn't enough to make it clear I think it then becomes harassment. I think the red flag is management's attitude when it is reported.
Usually you can tell what a person is looking for and it can be stopped at the front door. Our open store front with visible entry and hallway stops most of it. You can see men park, stand near the window and then walk across the street to the place with double door entry and blacked out windows.
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Yes a few times from both sexes. I stopped going out to hotels because most of the calls were from guys wanting "a prostate massage like I get back home". Well there is prostate massage which can reduce enlarged prostate but they weren't pointing to the prostate. It wasn't my self esteem rather annoying to be told no "happy ending, no tip". And when they say the massage is the best they've had but sorry no tip. Well, I have better things to do with my time.
But I don't blame them for asking, only for being so pushy about it. Actually I hope they find what they are looking for because they must be feeling very unsatisfied. Unless states start offering separate licenses for massage and prostitution, we can continue to expect guys (and some women) to seek us out for the type of touch they are missing
Joshua Guffey (@TechGuyLikesZen) said:I don't know my friend. It just does. :-/
Has it happened to you?
Daniel Cohen said:
Now I'm confused. How does it relate to your own self esteem? Turning down sexual requests in no way makes me think less of myself. You might even consider it a reassertion of self esteem. Seems it relates more to their unsatisfying sex life.
Joshua Guffey (@TechGuyLikesZen) said:
Wow, that's screwed up. These are people they're insulting. I hate to here of stuff like this. :(
As a male massage therapist I was approached by both sexes and it never feels good. Its always destructive to one's self esteem.
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