Do I have the right to refuse a client who is being inappropriate?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jessica Belanger on August 1, 2012 at 7:27pm

  I don't care if people think he is some old fart with a twinkle in his eye and don't really consider him a "threat".. The point is.. this is Massage Therapy. People should have enough respect to not bring anything sexual into that room. NO ONE. I don't care if your lonely or what your problem is.. that is not what Massage Therapy is about. I'm trying to be a professional...I don't think when they go in to see the Chiropractor that they would ever think to start touching themselves ect.. in front of them. It's disgusting.. if someone is going to have that kind of mind set.. I don't believe they are a proper candidate for Massage.

   The problem is people and other therapists laugh at it.. It should always be taken seriously and never funny. It doesn't matter if someone is threatened by it or not.. It is inappropriate. If you want to do that kind of stuff go to a strip club.. go find a hooker. It's a professional atmosphere I don't care if someone is trying to get a rise out of me.. or what the hell they think they are doing..I'm not going to babysit someone and call their family members. They are an adult and will be treated as one. They know exactly what they are doing and I will not tolerate it. I'm not going to slap hands and treat people like children.

  My boss finally realized that is was more serious than he was taking it.. Because he kind of looked at it the same way him being an old fart and not being much harm. But it creates a work atmosphere I do not wish to have and do not feel like I need to be worried if someone is going to grab at me ect.. I should feel safe. I will NEVER tease him back.. as I act professional. My reaction is some what with fear.. because I am shut in a room with someone who is being inappropriate and I find it scary someone would even have the mind set to do that! I would never do something like that!!!! I can't even imagine how someone could!  But BIG PICTURE HERE... I do not need to ask someone how the handled the "old fart" because what he did is defined as sexual harassment.. so I obviously am never going to work on him again. I would never put someone in that position.. trying to shove money down someones shirt.. is not good natured teasing and if anyone thinks so.. they need some serious help. 

   I thank you for your support and response :) ... But I must say I have to disagree with most of the stuff you said! 

Gary W Addis said:

She absolutely does have the right to refuse to work on him; it's written into the regulations in most states. 

But, honestly? My first inclination is to say that this is a lot of hullabaloo for nothing.  He is 80 years old; his sex life is a pleasant memory, and Jessica is pretty, and young, and he can get her goat easily.  One of the school instructors related her experience with an old fart with roaming hands and a twinkle in his eye.  She said treat him as she would have a boy out on a high school date: defuse it...slap his hands and scold him.  Tears fuel the libido that still pumps adrenalin into the old coot's brain.  and check his chart  for telephone numbers of family, and call.  His wife, or daughter or sister will spank him, tell him to behave. 

If he reacts physically to the hand slap, scream your fanny off and bring it to a head. 

We males sometimes have to deal with the roaming hands, too, you know--from gay men and lonely women.  The first time it happens, I merely move my body out of reach; the second time I step back and scold, "any more of that, the session will end." 

Now, the above was my  first reaction, but I don't judge you: I have never met the man, and some people are not emotionally able to handle such a situation well--evidently you react to it with fear.  You're a massage therapist; I suspect that you are stronger physically than an 80 year old.  But if you truly fear for your safety in that treatment room, then you are right to refuse to treat him--and you do have the right.  In fact, MT regs require you to refuse to treat anyone who uses inappropriate conduct.  BTW, whether it is employer or customer or grocery store clerk, that uninvited touchie-feelie thing he's doing is legal sexual harassment.

Finally, once more I reiterate that the simplest way to handle it is to respond to his "good natured teasing" (that's probably what he considers it to be) with a teasing attitude of your own.  Ask the other girl how she handled the old fart.

 

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Permalink Reply by Linda LePelley, RN, NMT on August 1, 2012 at 8:55pm

Jessica, I believe you just supplied the answers to your own discussion question. Excellent!
 
Jessica Belanger said:

  I don't care if people think he is some old fart with a twinkle in his eye and don't really consider him a "threat".. The point is.. this is Massage Therapy. People should have enough respect to not bring anything sexual into that room. NO ONE. I don't care if your lonely or what your problem is.. that is not what Massage Therapy is about. I'm trying to be a professional...I don't think when they go in to see the Chiropractor that they would ever think to start touching themselves ect.. in front of them. It's disgusting.. if someone is going to have that kind of mind set.. I don't believe they are a proper candidate for Massage.

   The problem is people and other therapists laugh at it.. It should always be taken seriously and never funny. It doesn't matter if someone is threatened by it or not.. It is inappropriate. If you want to do that kind of stuff go to a strip club.. go find a hooker. It's a professional atmosphere I don't care if someone is trying to get a rise out of me.. or what the hell they think they are doing..I'm not going to babysit someone and call their family members. They are an adult and will be treated as one. They know exactly what they are doing and I will not tolerate it. I'm not going to slap hands and treat people like children.

  My boss finally realized that is was more serious than he was taking it.. Because he kind of looked at it the same way him being an old fart and not being much harm. But it creates a work atmosphere I do not wish to have and do not feel like I need to be worried if someone is going to grab at me ect.. I should feel safe. I will NEVER tease him back.. as I act professional. My reaction is some what with fear.. because I am shut in a room with someone who is being inappropriate and I find it scary someone would even have the mind set to do that! I would never do something like that!!!! I can't even imagine how someone could!  But BIG PICTURE HERE... I do not need to ask someone how the handled the "old fart" because what he did is defined as sexual harassment.. so I obviously am never going to work on him again. I would never put someone in that position.. trying to shove money down someones shirt.. is not good natured teasing and if anyone thinks so.. they need some serious help. 

   I thank you for your support and response :) ... But I must say I have to disagree with most of the stuff you said! 

Gary W Addis said:

She absolutely does have the right to refuse to work on him; it's written into the regulations in most states. 

But, honestly? My first inclination is to say that this is a lot of hullabaloo for nothing.  He is 80 years old; his sex life is a pleasant memory, and Jessica is pretty, and young, and he can get her goat easily.  One of the school instructors related her experience with an old fart with roaming hands and a twinkle in his eye.  She said treat him as she would have a boy out on a high school date: defuse it...slap his hands and scold him.  Tears fuel the libido that still pumps adrenalin into the old coot's brain.  and check his chart  for telephone numbers of family, and call.  His wife, or daughter or sister will spank him, tell him to behave. 

If he reacts physically to the hand slap, scream your fanny off and bring it to a head. 

We males sometimes have to deal with the roaming hands, too, you know--from gay men and lonely women.  The first time it happens, I merely move my body out of reach; the second time I step back and scold, "any more of that, the session will end." 

Now, the above was my  first reaction, but I don't judge you: I have never met the man, and some people are not emotionally able to handle such a situation well--evidently you react to it with fear.  You're a massage therapist; I suspect that you are stronger physically than an 80 year old.  But if you truly fear for your safety in that treatment room, then you are right to refuse to treat him--and you do have the right.  In fact, MT regs require you to refuse to treat anyone who uses inappropriate conduct.  BTW, whether it is employer or customer or grocery store clerk, that uninvited touchie-feelie thing he's doing is legal sexual harassment.

Finally, once more I reiterate that the simplest way to handle it is to respond to his "good natured teasing" (that's probably what he considers it to be) with a teasing attitude of your own.  Ask the other girl how she handled the old fart.

 

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Permalink Reply by Gary W Addis, LMT on August 1, 2012 at 9:57pm

Jessica, I see you've taken offense...that you feel as if you're being attacked.  But no one here is your enemy.  I certainly wasn't defending the old bastard.  He's likely been abusive his whole life-- the old age is just providing him with an excuse. 

Please reexamine my comment less defensively, because I did not attack you.  YOU made the comment that you need the job.  I can certainly understand that: it's a tough world out there in today's economy.  I'm merely saying that the first time he was inappropriate, he was merely inappropriately flirtatious, and subsequent sessions he got worse, right?   For in effect your non-reaction encouraged him.  I'm just saying...you should have either walked out of the room or slapped the crap out of him the first time.  I agree with you that he sure as hell deserved a slap.  OK? The second time--there should not have been a second time, ok?

I sure as hell wasn't defending the old bastard's conduct.  Or condemning yours.

Jessica Belanger said:

  I don't care if people think he is some old fart with a twinkle in his eye and don't really consider him a "threat".. The point is.. this is Massage Therapy. People should have enough respect to not bring anything sexual into that room. NO ONE. I don't care if your lonely or what your problem is.. that is not what Massage Therapy is about. I'm trying to be a professional...I don't think when they go in to see the Chiropractor that they would ever think to start touching themselves ect.. in front of them. It's disgusting.. if someone is going to have that kind of mind set.. I don't believe they are a proper candidate for Massage.

   The problem is people and other therapists laugh at it.. It should always be taken seriously and never funny. It doesn't matter if someone is threatened by it or not.. It is inappropriate. If you want to do that kind of stuff go to a strip club.. go find a hooker. It's a professional atmosphere I don't care if someone is trying to get a rise out of me.. or what the hell they think they are doing..I'm not going to babysit someone and call their family members. They are an adult and will be treated as one. They know exactly what they are doing and I will not tolerate it. I'm not going to slap hands and treat people like children.

  My boss finally realized that is was more serious than he was taking it.. Because he kind of looked at it the same way him being an old fart and not being much harm. But it creates a work atmosphere I do not wish to have and do not feel like I need to be worried if someone is going to grab at me ect.. I should feel safe. I will NEVER tease him back.. as I act professional. My reaction is some what with fear.. because I am shut in a room with someone who is being inappropriate and I find it scary someone would even have the mind set to do that! I would never do something like that!!!! I can't even imagine how someone could!  But BIG PICTURE HERE... I do not need to ask someone how the handled the "old fart" because what he did is defined as sexual harassment.. so I obviously am never going to work on him again. I would never put someone in that position.. trying to shove money down someones shirt.. is not good natured teasing and if anyone thinks so.. they need some serious help. 

   I thank you for your support and response :) ... But I must say I have to disagree with most of the stuff you said! 

Gary W Addis said:

She absolutely does have the right to refuse to work on him; it's written into the regulations in most states. 

But, honestly? My first inclination is to say that this is a lot of hullabaloo for nothing.  He is 80 years old; his sex life is a pleasant memory, and Jessica is pretty, and young, and he can get her goat easily.  One of the school instructors related her experience with an old fart with roaming hands and a twinkle in his eye.  She said treat him as she would have a boy out on a high school date: defuse it...slap his hands and scold him.  Tears fuel the libido that still pumps adrenalin into the old coot's brain.  and check his chart  for telephone numbers of family, and call.  His wife, or daughter or sister will spank him, tell him to behave. 

If he reacts physically to the hand slap, scream your fanny off and bring it to a head. 

We males sometimes have to deal with the roaming hands, too, you know--from gay men and lonely women.  The first time it happens, I merely move my body out of reach; the second time I step back and scold, "any more of that, the session will end." 

Now, the above was my  first reaction, but I don't judge you: I have never met the man, and some people are not emotionally able to handle such a situation well--evidently you react to it with fear.  You're a massage therapist; I suspect that you are stronger physically than an 80 year old.  But if you truly fear for your safety in that treatment room, then you are right to refuse to treat him--and you do have the right.  In fact, MT regs require you to refuse to treat anyone who uses inappropriate conduct.  BTW, whether it is employer or customer or grocery store clerk, that uninvited touchie-feelie thing he's doing is legal sexual harassment.

Finally, once more I reiterate that the simplest way to handle it is to respond to his "good natured teasing" (that's probably what he considers it to be) with a teasing attitude of your own.  Ask the other girl how she handled the old fart.

 

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Permalink Reply by Jessica Belanger on August 2, 2012 at 2:51pm

Maybe my response seemed defensive to you.. but it was not intended to be. I was simply responding to the bits of advice that you gave me. Disagreeing with it... because No. I'm not going to treat someone as if they are a child by calling their family members.. I re-read your post as you told me too.. and I guess I'm not seeing what I missed.. but its obvious to see what you missed in mine.. You said you agree with me that he deserves a slap... when did I ever talk about hitting someone? I'm not going to hit people! SORRY. Slapping people and teasing them back? Um No. How about a That's inappropriate and if it continues you will no longer be aloud in my treatment room. end of discussion. That is a lot more professional.. than slapping someone and teasing them back. I do know I need to speak up.. and learned from this experience and will be doing so now.. but this was my first situation in dealing with this and having an employer who would not listen or help me..so there were many times I had to work on him because my employer would not take the necessary action.. that is why I posted this stuff on here and was asking for help on if there were any laws to help me because I was afraid he was going to fire me!  I know you weren't defending him obviously.. But you said your first inclination was that he was an old fart and that it was a bunch of "hullaballo" for nothing.. Yeah kind irritated me not going to lie.. a Therapist who was needing help because no one else was helping.. and your saying it was basically a bunch of b*******.. for a Therapist to even think that way when reading my very first post..gets me.. any therapist dealing with inappropriate behavior...should never be looked at that way.  It is a very serious situation.. and should always be taken seriously.. and this is why the Massage industry needs help because not everyone takes it seriously!

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Permalink Reply by Gary W Addis, LMT on August 2, 2012 at 3:52pm

Jessica, then we'll just have to agree to disagree.  Continuing with the massage of someone who has acted inappropriately--and taking more appointments knowing that the conduct will continue-- is, frankly, telling the victimizer that you are his to play with.  Slapping his hand, stepping away from him, telling him with a harsh voice that touching you or making sexual remarks will not be tolerated the first time it happened was the right way to handle it. 

Alright, we get it that you are young, and think the job is otherwise worth keeping.  So, you swallowed your disgust/fear and took another session. And another. And-- how long?

I reiterate that if you had stepped out of the room the first time, and in the presence of whomever was present INDIGNANTLY refused to submit to the sexual harassment, the boss would not have had any choice but to support you (otherwise, he would have had to publicly state that sexual harassment was permitted in his clinic).  That you spoke up about it but only privately after the clients were gone reinforced the business owner's opinion that the old man is merely flirting with a beautiful young woman.  Evidently, the former therapist took the old man's actions in stride, and defused it to HER satisfaction by stepping away from his reaching hands, etc.  Therefore, the boss felt justified in treating your complaints as overreaction  (i.e., "It didn't bother her so why should it be bothering you?"). 

IOW, my first reaction to the "hullabaloo" mirrored the chiropractor's.  Jessica, in my very first post to this thread, I said that you should have reacted to it the first time it happened.  That first session, you might have painlessly corrected his behavior with, yes, a teasing retort and stepping away from the hand; and if it happened a second time, then you leave the room announcing the session is over or firmly demand that it stop.  Either/Or, Jessica-- continuing with the massage should not have been an option at that point.  By continuing; by accepting other appointments with 80-yr-old Chester Molester, you tacitly said that it was just mildly annoying.  I stand by that statement without apology. 

I did not say even remotely say that "it was basically a bunch of b*******." 

Now, I am done with this discussion. 

   

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Mackay on August 3, 2012 at 2:29pm

I'm proud of you Jessica for finding the strength to step forward and demand this situation stop. It is easy for others to look back over your comments and see what could have or should have been done differently.  More important is that you have worked through the situation, made necessary and difficult changes as well as found your own limits.  You are stronger and wiser and should another situation present itself you will be quicker to address and stop it before it becomes an issue.

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Permalink Reply by Abram Herman on August 6, 2012 at 5:03pm

I'm happy to see all of the responses to Jessica's post! I personally find it heartwarming to know there's a place like massageprofessionals.com where you can talk about these type of things with your colleagues, get advice, and most importantly, get the support you need to make the tough decisions. I hope everything works out in the end for you, Jessica, and I'm so happy to see the outpouring of support from your colleagues in the bodywork community!

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Sanders on August 9, 2012 at 8:31am

You could send your Employer a Certified Letter about the situation with this Client. 

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Sanders on August 9, 2012 at 9:21am

Yes, you have a right to refuse to see this Client, but Employers have power over you and they know it.  If you were rich, you wouldn't be working there, they realize this, so you will probably put up with this and they will keep ignoring your complints. You could just tell this 80 year old what kind of behavior you expect from someone his age, that your Great Grandfather is his age and is a lot more respectful that he should be, too.  You could tell the Client that you will call the Police, if he tries to put money or his hands down your shirt or touch your legs or try to hug you, again.  Most of us need our jobs, so in the end, do whats best for you and your Family.

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Permalink Reply by Robert Garrison on August 14, 2012 at 11:31pm

You definitely did the right thing by refusing the work. The Doctor should talk with him, his patient, that he should not be touching you and if he did that all massages end at his office. The age does not matter, he's just an old pervert. One time I had a call from a nice Hotel in LA and one of the guest wanted a massage. I told him that I did Deep Tissue work and he said  that he would like for me to come to the Hotel for 1 1/2 hr massage. He wanted me there by 11pm, I said I could get there by 9pm, he agreed. I will shorten this up a bit.I get him on the table, I'm rubbing the oil on his hairy back I thought lightly, he says to me Oh,too much, I go lighter, Oh please much lighter. So I'm barely touching him, ok I keep going, he then kicks off my drape and tells me, Oh I really don't like being covered and would you concentrate only on my, his words ass and my stomach.I said to him, this will not work for me, that I told you that I specialize in Deep Tissue work and don't get me wrong I know how to give a soothing Swedish massage. I was there for 30 mins said that I was leaving and received $65.00 for my time. Stand your ground, the guy should not be touching you or making you uncomfortable at any point.

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