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HELP! Suggestions on "firing" a client?
I started working with this client about three years ago. She's been a pretty regular monthly client who started coming weekly after she had a double knee replacement last Spring. She is as negative as they come, and I always dread seeing her. She's just a terrible drain. (When my dad passed away, she told me that my trip back to Colorado for the funeral and helping my mom was "inconvenient" for her.) I kept working with her because the money was regular and I hoped I was doing her some good.
A couple of months ago another therapist joined our group and I only have the massage space every other Saturday instead of every week. This didn't suit her. She was also upset because I wouldn't come in more than an hour early for her--7AM! She wanted to start her day with a massage when she wanted one. She threatened to find another massage therapist if I didn't comply with her request, and I told her that was a good idea and wished her well.
I thought that was the end. It's been lovely not to have her coming in, but she left a message today asking to schedule an appointment. I haven't returned her call because I don't know what to say. How do you tell someone, "My life is so much better without you in it that I won't work on you?"
Anyone ever dealt with this kind of thing before? What would you say?
A couple of months ago another therapist joined our group and I only have the massage space every other Saturday instead of every week. This didn't suit her. She was also upset because I wouldn't come in more than an hour early for her--7AM! She wanted to start her day with a massage when she wanted one. She threatened to find another massage therapist if I didn't comply with her request, and I told her that was a good idea and wished her well.
I thought that was the end. It's been lovely not to have her coming in, but she left a message today asking to schedule an appointment. I haven't returned her call because I don't know what to say. How do you tell someone, "My life is so much better without you in it that I won't work on you?"
Anyone ever dealt with this kind of thing before? What would you say?
Views: 1674
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Laura Allen on
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Julianne,
You could tell her you are saturated with clients and can't take anyone else on, or that you have had to cut back on your workload, and really can't fit her in.
Or tell her you'll be glad to refer her to someone else...even though you think she's a black cloud, a new therapist starting out might be glad to have her, or it could be that the next therapist won't have the same dynamics that you have. Someone else might get along with her just fine.
If she starts with the "Well I want my appt at 7 am, and I know you don't see anyone else then" or something similar, tell her firmly that you have decided to set boundaries for yourself, that you are keeping a set schedule these days, and that 7 am doesn't fit into it for you. Refer her to Massage Envy, if there's one around. They open early and stay late, so tell her they are willing to accommodate her schedule and you simply can't.
If all else fails, tell her what you told us: "My life is so much better without you in it that I won't work on you." It's direct and to the point!
Good Luck,
LA
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Permalink Reply by Mike Hinkle on
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Laura is on the button!
Laura Allen said:Julianne,
You could tell her you are saturated with clients and can't take anyone else on, or that you have had to cut back on your workload, and really can't fit her in.
Or tell her you'll be glad to refer her to someone else...even though you think she's a black cloud, a new therapist starting out might be glad to have her, or it could be that the next therapist won't have the same dynamics that you have. Someone else might get along with her just fine.
If she starts with the "Well I want my appt at 7 am, and I know you don't see anyone else then" or something similar, tell her firmly that you have decided to set boundaries for yourself, that you are keeping a set schedule these days, and that 7 am doesn't fit into it for you. Refer her to Massage Envy, if there's one around. They open early and stay late, so tell her they are willing to accommodate her schedule and you simply can't.
If all else fails, tell her what you told us: "My life is so much better without you in it that I won't work on you." It's direct and to the point!
Good Luck,
LA
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Permalink Reply by Julianne on
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Thanks to both of you!
Unfortunately, I can't tell her I'm saturated because I have online booking. She can easily find out that I'm not.
As for another therapist, apparently she hasn't found one she likes. She went through three of them while I was away before. In a way it was a compliment because she told me they "didn't massage right." She said she kept telling them, "My girl does" this or that. I'm sure the therapists loved that! :-)
So I guess I'm back to brutal honesty. Bummer. I'll word it a little more nicely, but I sure wish she had e-mail!
If anyone else has ideas, I'm chickening out until tomorrow!
Julianne the Wimpy
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Permalink Reply by Hillary Kate Arrieta on
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I agree with Laura- Tell her you booked her time with a new client and you do not have any openings at this time- I have told people in the past that I was booked 6 months out and that usually shuts them down,
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oops- didn't read the rest of the responses. Online booking,huh??? hmmm- That's a hard one. Well honesty is always the best policy. Maybe not brutal honesty. Just let her know that the "therapeutic relationship" is not working out. Your could say that due to her past complaints, and your personal priorities, you're worried that you can't comply with her specific requests- (such as-you don't take appointments at 7am!) Just explain that you don't want to make her unhappy and maybe finding a therapist to suit her better would be the best thing for both of you.Find someone to refer her to. You could also ask her what a perfect situation according to her would be and then explain to her why it conflicts with you. Just a few thoughts.
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Permalink Reply by Kim Chamberlain,NCTMB (idowatsu) on
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Refer her to the AMTA website with the therapist locator on it. they are generally good therapists there and she will get the experience she is looking for and not keep returning to you. Vibrational energetics aren't always compatible, let her do the footwork to find someone and it will be more of an intuitive choice, people attract to what they need in a divine kind of way,I encourage this of my clients, that way she appreciates you for pointing her in the right direction. This reflects on how she speaks about you in the future, bad client experiences come back to bite some people becasue reputations are always being cultivated one way or the other.Clients speak about what they receive. I have experience with this(mostly good) but I live in a small area.
Maggie Ragatz said:Hi Julianne,
It sounds like you might have to tell your client directly that it's not working out. You've already found the phrase you can use if brutal honesty is required, but you could try a couple others beforehand. For instance:
Like Laura Allen said, something along the lines of,
"I'm not able to come in at 7a.m. It sounds like I'm not able to meet your needs. I'd like to recommend that you see a different therapist, and that's my only recommendation for you. I'm confident that you will find someone you like."
or
"I've been thinking about our situation and I think there are some other therapists who are better suited to help you with your knee surgery, etc. I'm not able to help you further, but I've enjoyed our work together thus far."
or,
plain and simple,
"I'm not able to work with you anymore."
And then--this is the tricky part--don't apologize or explain unduly! Be clear, firm, and get off the phone quickly. It won't feel good but it'll get the job done.
Also, love Hillary Kate Arrieta's suggestion of asking her what her perfect situation is and then saying you can't do it! Deny, deny, deny!
As HKA said, you could suggest some other therapists for her to try, but I'd be careful not to go too much out of your way. While you may want to see her happily situated with another therapist, from my perspective, it's not your responsibility to do CMT-hunting for her. Your responsibility is to be the best therapist you can be, and if that's by NOT working on her (because she detracts from your life and your practice), then you are quite justified in ending the relationship.
Breaking up can be sticky. Write stuff down beforehand if you need to! Keep it as clean as you can, remember the relief you felt at not having that drain in your life and stick to your guns!
Best wishes, let us know how you do,
Maggie
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Permalink Reply by Annamae Beal on
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I think being honest with her would be difficult, but maybe in the long run helpful to her. She may not know how toxic she is.
It will probably be easiest to tell her though that your practice has blossomed thanks to your positive energy and you now have a full schedule, drop a few hints as to how excited you are that you have been able to fill your day with such positive energy. And if you have openings in the future you will give her a call but at this time you are full up.
What is she going to do...fire you?
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Permalink Reply by Donna Whitton on
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It's definately going to be hard being honest with her and I really don't have any advice on that end. I will say, though, to not bend your time for her, no matter how much she says it inconveniences her let her know that you offer what you offer and are sorry if it inconveniences her but due to circumstances in your life you won't be making any changes anytime soon.
Good luck. I know what it's like to have a draining client and typically they wonder away on their own; possibly because I go out of my way to not go out of my way for them.
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Permalink Reply by Darcy Neibaur on
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Remember "No" is a complete sentence. You owe her no explanations.
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Although I've never dealt with this personally, a spa where I worked had a good method. The client was told that the requested therapist wasn't available. After a number of times of hearing this, the client would fade away. It worked as well if the client requested a second - or third - therapist. I see the online booking dilemma, but you could say you're waiting for confirmation for the particular slot.
Some people will not let go until they make you give up everything you've promised yourself was yours alone. Do ask yourself what role in your life path she may be filling in asking you to go outside your boundaries. You may in fact be on the verge of a saturated calendar and need to strengthen your resolve!
I do not think you should refer her. She may wear out another therapist & return to you for another referral. That's what the online referral sites are for. Remember, you want referrals back from other therapists, quality referrals.
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Permalink Reply by rudy m smith on
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Dear Julianne,
A troublesome client (controlling) offers a chance for 2 people to learn something. You can directly offer her the hours you have available and tell her that if these hours are not suitable it is okay for her to seek out another therapist. As for the negativity - never allow it. You do this by asking a client a series of positive questions each and everytime they start to dump on you - an example: Ask them to tell you about their favorite place on earth and ask them to go into detail about what made this place so awesome... remember to ask them questions that evoke a positive answer each and EVERY time they try to take you down some dark alley to a pity party. They will catch on quickly and change or leave.
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Julianne,
I've not had to fire a client but just remember transferance and countertransferance plays a big role in this situation. So you deffinetly need to get out of it.
I don't have any suggestions becasue if your like me you give and give and have a hard time saying no. Just do whats best for you. Good Luck.
Christina
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