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Ezekiel,
I certainly don't decouple religion from culture or sexuality. I think it's all tied together. You might recall that after you clarified that you were sharing some historical information about how religion shaped laws I acknowledged that I misunderstood your first post and that I though your clarification was informative. It can be hard to derive completely accurate context from message boards.
If I seem to put weight on sexuality over religion and culture it is because I feel it's the closest value component of those three. People don't typically ask to be naked to pray. People don't typically ask to be naked to go to the museum. People do frequently want to be naked in sexuality and we're talking about peopel who want to be naked in massage. It seems to be the logically dominant part of our value system when talking about undraped massage. However, I'm still seeing eye to eye with you. People's sexuality comes right from their religious beliefs, the culture in which they live, the family values they are raised with and have adopted as adults. It is all part of why people believe what they believe.
I feel that no one has been capable of picking up the accurate context of studying sexuality in the equation. It would seem that people only have the ability to consider the subject in binary terms. When massage occurs it must be completely asexual and if it is not asexual it is a complete leap to prurient behavior. No middle ground can be considered.
People aren't that black and white in reality. They operate in endless shades of gray. Humans interact sexually every day with multiple people and those interactions are nothing more than a glance or a gesture or a fleeting thought. These interactions can happen between people who are completely dressed and who may not even be sepeaking to each other or even know each other. That type of sexual interaction is a long way to one end of the gray scale and is miles away from the end of the scale where you would find physical sexual interaction. In overwhelming cases it results in nothing. This subtle interaction is not viewed as harmful or inappropriate. At somepoint along the scale everyone has their own point where they feel the type of interaction has crossed from harmless to meaningful or to not appropriate if it's not appropriate.
I suspect the draping issue is falling on that gray scale somewhere more in the middle. When a client asks for it I am acknowledging I think that it is for a sublte, sexual reason that falls somewhere on that scale. It may be so subtle the client doesn't even really know it. I'm actually agreeing with Laura and Tonya that it's a sexual request but they can't see that for some reason. Having listened to many voices here I believe that each MT has their own internal marker on that gray scale. If the request from the client (whatever it is) falls on the side of their marker that is closest to the asexual end then the MT accepts the request. If the request falls on the other side of their personal marker that is closer to prurient behavior they deny the request. Well, of course!
I'm not assessing right or wrong for where anyone's personal marker is. I'm sure it's exactly where it should be for each person. I'm also not claiming where any given patient's request for no draping falls on the scale. It could be very close to the asexual end of the scale and it really could be way over at the prurient end. I happen to think that most times it falls in the middle and usually leaning asexual. If they were truly prurient I think most times they are just going to go someplace else where they know they can get what they want. But there are no absolutes. We are all going to get people who are on the prurient end from time to time. We might not even be able to tell those people are on our table. Welcome to the business. As Tonya said, if you figure out they are then ask them to move on. Nothing wrong with that.
I apologize to anyone who thinks I'm attacking their position or that I'm trying to change their position. I'm not trying to. I am not apoligetic for thinking it is the unmentioned gorilla.I am convinced more than ever that subltle sexual influences are driving the requests for undraped massage and MT's are accepting or declining based on their own perception of how appropriate that type of human interaction is. I will not say an MT is wrong to not want to do undrapped massage and won't say an MT is wrong to accept one.
I'm just not black nor am I white.....I'm gray and I embrace it. If I take the time to learn my place on the gray scale and I learn where the person on the table is on the gray scale I think I can build a better client relationship.
Thank you Ezekiel and Tonya. I appreciate that you can see that the drape-no drape issue as regarding the sexual aspect "or the 500 pound gorilla" is what many have already considered and have decided we don't want to even consider in their practice based on their personal beliefs and also on state mandated rules.
Having parameters around massage therapy is what protects therapists from unwanted intrusions into their beliefs. Someone who is looking at the sexual aspects when getting a massage is really needing more than a therapist is qualified to provide and Rob, you will really need to find the answers within yourself as many of us have already stated, we neither want to go there or we have already decided it is not worth all the effort to go there.
So maybe you should start another thread that specifically seeks the answers you are needing...yet you will have to decide if you will really use these answers anyway.
Rules or laws about anything are only there for the few. Living your life without rules means that you don't force your lifestyle or beliefs on others...you assume personal responsibility for your actions.
"Massage gives us a chance to let go of all stereotypes and not think...includes the therapist as well as the client...and just let whatever the situation is with them...just be. The answer for them and many times for us comes in the quiet and stillness. Be still and listen to what is not being said..." I stick by my previous comments and conclusions.
Rob, I hope you find that you don't really need an answer. You have already found the answers and just need to come to grips with it. You don't need our blessing or condemnation.
Interesting discussion. While draping may vary by state or local law, it is part of NCBTMB's code of ethics (Article XII - Provide draping and treatment in a way that ensures the safety, comfort and privacy of the client). I assume that "draping in a way that ensures the privacy of the client" means covering body parts that are considered private, otherwise what would it mean? So, if you are a NCBTMB certificate holder, you have it easy, the decision is made for you. If you are going to follow the code of ethics (Article XVIII),draping is not a matter of black, white, or gray, it is what you do. Same if your local or state law requires draping - the decision is made for you.
When there is no relevant code of ethics, local or state law, then all the other things that are mentioned here come into play. It is about sexuality, culture, and value systems. I don't think it has to do only with sexuality, which is what I gathered from Rob's posts, but with a lot of other things such as one's self image, and about setting the rules in a way that most people would be okay with it. In general, there are many behaviors that people do when they are alone, but as a society we have agreed that some things are okay to do and some things are not. Nudity is another part of that social norm, along with dress code and appearance in a given context. So what to do?
I think the answer is obvious if you look at at draping is as a boundary enforcer. As a therapist you have few things available to you to set the tone for how the professional treatment will go: communication (verbal and body), skillset, dress code, location, appearance (personal and office), appropriate touch, policies and framework for how you do things. Draping can be another valuable tool because it emphasizes the non-sexual, therapeutic nature of massage. Can massage be sensual? can it be sexual? of course it can, but you do not need to take it there or create ambiguity. Clients don't go to school to become clients and many are already confused about massage therapy from what they see or read; on the other hand therapists go to school to become therapists and should know better than to create ambiguity. My five cents.
Sure it has to do with sexuality, and attitudes, and culture, and everything else. And it is for many people grey issue yes, this discussRob E is rightIf you hold a certificate by NCBTMB and practice undraped massage you are in violation of the code of ethics - whatever that means, right?
Provide is an interesting word since it only implies that it will be used. In fact it makes draping available with choice. Many state laws state the same wording to mean it is there for the choice of the client.
"I assume that "draping in a way that ensures the privacy of the client" means covering body parts that are considered private, otherwise what would it mean? " Reading the same sentence I assume it means draping to assure the privacy required for comfort for the client within the clients cultural comfort. Since I work on many orthodox jews this means usually means working through the clothes or a bath sheet as draping. If I I work through the clothes is this without a drape? But since anything I provide can be rejected by the client I also would work without qualm undraped and yes nude (the client not me [unless it was a nudist environment. In which case community values and cultural norm shifts])
I am very glad that so many regulations and codes of ethics have been written with court application in mind rather than rule by the majority's emotions.
By the way Emmanuel we both may have put ourselves at risk. Do you remember what Felix Unger said about "assume"?
Emmanuel Bistas said:
Interesting discussion. While draping may vary by state or local law, it is part of NCBTMB's code of ethics (Article XII - Provide draping and treatment in a way that ensures the safety, comfort and privacy of the client). I assume that "draping in a way that ensures the privacy of the client" means covering body parts that are considered private, otherwise what would it mean? So, if you are a NCBTMB certificate holder, you have it easy, the decision is made for you. If you are going to follow the code of ethics (Article XVIII),draping is not a matter of black, white, or gray, it is what you do. Same if your local or state law requires draping - the decision is made for you.
When there is no relevant code of ethics, local or state law, then all the other things that are mentioned here come into play. It is about sexuality, culture, and value systems. I don't think it has to do only with sexuality, which is what I gathered from Rob's posts, but with a lot of other things such as one's self image, and about setting the rules in a way that most people would be okay with it. In general, there are many behaviors that people do when they are alone, but as a society we have agreed that some things are okay to do and some things are not. Nudity is another part of that social norm, along with dress code and appearance in a given context. So what to do?
I think the answer is obvious if you look at at draping is as a boundary enforcer. As a therapist you have few things available to you to set the tone for how the professional treatment will go: communication (verbal and body), skillset, dress code, location, appearance (personal and office), appropriate touch, policies and framework for how you do things. Draping can be another valuable tool because it emphasizes the non-sexual, therapeutic nature of massage. Can massage be sensual? can it be sexual? of course it can, but you do not need to take it there or create ambiguity. Clients don't go to school to become clients and many are already confused about massage therapy from what they see or read; on the other hand therapists go to school to become therapists and should know better than to create ambiguity. My five cents.
Sure it has to do with sexuality, and attitudes, and culture, and everything else. And it is for many people grey issue yes, this discussRob E is rightIf you hold a certificate by NCBTMB and practice undraped massage you are in violation of the code of ethics - whatever that means, right?
:)
Easy to find out, right? Anyone from NCBTMB around? Can someone from NCBTMB splain article twelve please??
Daniel Cohen said:
Provide is an interesting word since it only implies that it will be used. In fact it makes draping available with choice. Many state laws state the same wording to mean it is there for the choice of the client.
"I assume that "draping in a way that ensures the privacy of the client" means covering body parts that are considered private, otherwise what would it mean? " Reading the same sentence I assume it means draping to assure the privacy required for comfort for the client within the clients cultural comfort. Since I work on many orthodox jews this means usually means working through the clothes or a bath sheet as draping. If I I work through the clothes is this without a drape? But since anything I provide can be rejected by the client I also would work without qualm undraped and yes nude (the client not me [unless it was a nudist environment. In which case community values and cultural norm shifts])
I am very glad that so many regulations and codes of ethics have been written with court application in mind rather than rule by the majority's emotions.
By the way Emmanuel we both may have put ourselves at risk. Do you remember what Felix Unger said about "assume"?
Emmanuel Bistas said:Interesting discussion. While draping may vary by state or local law, it is part of NCBTMB's code of ethics (Article XII - Provide draping and treatment in a way that ensures the safety, comfort and privacy of the client). I assume that "draping in a way that ensures the privacy of the client" means covering body parts that are considered private, otherwise what would it mean? So, if you are a NCBTMB certificate holder, you have it easy, the decision is made for you. If you are going to follow the code of ethics (Article XVIII),draping is not a matter of black, white, or gray, it is what you do. Same if your local or state law requires draping - the decision is made for you.
When there is no relevant code of ethics, local or state law, then all the other things that are mentioned here come into play. It is about sexuality, culture, and value systems. I don't think it has to do only with sexuality, which is what I gathered from Rob's posts, but with a lot of other things such as one's self image, and about setting the rules in a way that most people would be okay with it. In general, there are many behaviors that people do when they are alone, but as a society we have agreed that some things are okay to do and some things are not. Nudity is another part of that social norm, along with dress code and appearance in a given context. So what to do?
I think the answer is obvious if you look at at draping is as a boundary enforcer. As a therapist you have few things available to you to set the tone for how the professional treatment will go: communication (verbal and body), skillset, dress code, location, appearance (personal and office), appropriate touch, policies and framework for how you do things. Draping can be another valuable tool because it emphasizes the non-sexual, therapeutic nature of massage. Can massage be sensual? can it be sexual? of course it can, but you do not need to take it there or create ambiguity. Clients don't go to school to become clients and many are already confused about massage therapy from what they see or read; on the other hand therapists go to school to become therapists and should know better than to create ambiguity. My five cents.
Sure it has to do with sexuality, and attitudes, and culture, and everything else. And it is for many people grey issue yes, this discussRob E is rightIf you hold a certificate by NCBTMB and practice undraped massage you are in violation of the code of ethics - whatever that means, right?
Many State Laws are misquoted. In TN the law states that a drape has to be offered (not used)
In San Diego, it states that for "outcall" a drape has to be used.
I agree with Dan.
The majority of my clients - both male and female - are either undraped or use a wash rag.
I have found for me in having a massage, that the draping process interferes with the energy and flow of the massage. In fact, I have been "touched" more by people draping and tucking than not.
I used to post on bodyworkonline until the strict censoring of draping is good, undraped is sex mentality.
I think we need to be sensitive to our selves but also to the client. I have never had a client want to be draped after they have had a massage undraped. In 10 years, I have only had a couple of men and women make inappropriate remarks - at which time I ask them to leave. Yes, quite a few men get erections - especially after I use hot stones on legs and abdomen. I either ignore it or place a washrag over it. Interestingly, several long time clients have told me that the erection did not feel "sexual", but was the most intense sensual feeling that they have ever had and hoped it did not bother me.
I believe that many of us forget that a massage is supposed to be sensual as well as therapeutic for muscles. I believe that most schools still teach to also keep your hand on the client and never "loose touch".
It amazes me to read that MTs brag about being able to do the gluts through a blanket and sheet. Or state that the room is too cold - ie have a warn room.
For further comparison, the following is the site of a normal spa in Amsterdam:
http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=nl&u=http://...
What an interesting post, Sandy. Truly a perspective from the other side!
Lee
i hate draping when used on me - esp if it is a sheet. It seems like all the MTs I have had spend a lot of time "adjusting" the sheet and tucking it. When they tuck it , they end up touching "the boys" much more than those that don't use a sheet.
If I use a "wash rag" it is not as bad. What I often do is start lying down with the WR over the crack and down between legs. I then ask MT to do both gluts together which entails moving it up or down - essentially undraped. When I turn over, I/she tucks the drape over the boys leaving the inguinal region open. She is then able to do full flowing strokes. If an erection happens - it often pushes WR off, she either ignores it or uses another WR to cover. No comment made
Some MTs think they can do the gluts through a sheet. They are kidding themselves and I believe committing fraud on the client. Some say "state laws require" I have looked at TN which just says a drape must be provided and California which only says on outsource must it be used.
I think that boys (sic) that expect sex from a massage have ruined it for everyone. I think MTs who are firm on draping are also hurting themselves and the profession.
When I do one, If it is a woman and she insists, I use a sheet. When I get to gluts, I ask her if I can raise it or use WR. For her front, again, I ask if towel ok for top and bottom and go from there.
Emanual
[quote}NCBTMB's code of ethics (Article XII - Provide draping and treatment in a way that ensures the safety, comfort and privacy of the client).[/quote]
Thanks for posting that. Again draping provided for comfort/privacy of client. Thus, if client feels it is not needed, he/she don't have to use it.
It is unfortunate that a few have changed the industry so much. In much of Northern Europe, massage without draping is the standard. In fact, I was in a spa in Amsterdam where clothes were not allowed as "unsanitary". Everyone gets into a coed shower, washed and heads for the bathes. It was interesting that there were several "office parties". Can you imagine that here.
We have the same hangups at the beach. Much of Europe no top and often no bottom. Not thought of as sex.
I was taught I am there for the client - as long as it is not inappropriate. Tonya, I would not agree with the "sexual" massage, but I would say that a light swedish (were you taught not to remove your hand from touching at any time) is very sensual. We need not to confuse the two words.
I've been a massage therapist for over 25 years now..Ive used draping on every massage, except when giving a free massage on a date...Not that it would be wrong...But I think you are just asking for trouble.
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