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Do I have the right to refuse a client who is being inappropriate?
I am currently working at a Chiropractors office and I am an employee. I get patients referred to me by the Doctor. He takes care of all my soap notes ect..supplies me with my room and all that I need to do my work. I came to him many months ago complaining of one client.. an 80 year old male who tends to get inappropriate during his massage and or when I am setting him up in a different room after. He tends to say things like "If I was a bit younger.." asks if I'm married.. He will rub my arms and tell me I have soft skin.. try to grab my legs while I am working... he once wanted to give me a tip and tried shoving it down my shirt.. and he also has asked for a hug this past time. I have went to the Dr. about this every time something has happened.. He will usually blow me off and tell me he can't talk about it right now. Or that I cannot "pick and choose who I want to work on." I told him I feel as if this is a form of sexual harassment, and it also makes me have a un-healthy work environment. Well today I stood my ground. I refused to work on him. I went to his office before my shift and told him that I would not be working on this person due to their inappropriateness. He didn't say much. So when it came time for me to take that patient.. I didn't. I went to go let him know I wasn't going to work on him and he ignored me.. I got very upset and began to cry. The front desk lady seriously asked me if I was willing to lose my job over this. Told me I was getting worked up over nothing and that he is a harmless old man. I just ignored her. Yeah well this person is 80 years old and they damn well know what they are doing. Do you think he is going to ask the Dr. for a hug? Or say those gestures to him?! I have plenty of other elderly men and men in general that are very respectful towards me and know they are just coming in for therapy. His Father was there and noticed I was upset and he agreed with me that I do not have to put up with it. I didn't take that patient, the front desk lady told him I wasn't feeling well and the Dr. never spoke to him. She re-scheduled him for next week. I feel that I went to my employer with the complaint enough to where he could speak to the patient. I mean I've complained probably over 20 times. He has just made me feel like there is nothing I can do about it. There is a girl that works at the office and she is also a LMT but she turned to doing the billing more so she didn't really do much of it anymore. She warned me about this patient this first day I had him. They all know he is a pervert. The Dr. actually pretty much banned this patient for seeing this other girl even about his bills because he was just looking to stare at her and flirt. But I have to get stuck with him in a room working on him even when they all know this. But I feel like there is most certainly an action I can take. I have to stand up for myself and I feel like I shouldn't have to take feeling disrespected at work and feeling un comfortable. I was wondering if anybody had any good advice for me?
Views: 1761
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Gael Wood on
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Of course you have the right to not see him! Shame on them for referring a pervert to you.
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Permalink Reply by Katie Clair on
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You absolutely have the right to refuse treatment to anyone. Honestly if that were a coworker you could have gotten him in trouble for sexual harassment. The fact that the doc doesn't have your comfort and safety in mind speaks volumes about your employer.
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Permalink Reply by Doug Turet on
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Hi Jessica,
I have a question for you to consider -- one which may not feel very good, at first, but will almost certainly enlighten and empower you, in the long run... What's wrong with this scenario that you've been either too afraid or too unwilling to acknowledge? (I'll give you a hint: re-read the last 7 sentences of your posting.) A big piece of the the equation is that, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says, you know full well that you're being mistreated -- by both the patient AND the doctor (and his staff), but there's more to it than just that -- and I suspect that, deep down inside, you know that this is true, too...
What it all comes down to, in a nutshell, is this: life is usually willing to present you with 100% of the respect that you, yourself, are willing to claim, but not one iota more. If what you're telling us is accurate, and the office you work in is willing to permit this level of sleazy, disrespectful, persistent and consistent mistreatment of its employees, then the fundamental problem in play, here, lies not so much with the office you're working in, but with your own willingness to attach a far greater value to whatever meager monetary compensation they're offering than to the value you've assigned to yourself! In other words, the degree to which you're willing to allow others to dishonor and disrespect you is the exact same degree of honor and respect that you've decided you are worth -- and not one flyspeck more. (Or, to put it yet another way, every time that you allow them to treat you like this, you sanction your own abuse.) This doesn't require getting upset and crying in front of the doctor -- in fact, I sincerely doubt that that has any effect, at all, except to further lessen his respect for you. As you've already stated, the best route option available to you is to stand up for yourself. But (as is often the case, in life) knowing exactly how to go about doing that requires getting to know yourself a little better, first.As such, a good place to start might be with asking yourself the question, "What would I require, in order to feel that I was being completely respected and valued as a trained and licensed healthcare professional?" Once you've invested however much time it takes to arrive at that answer (or "those answers"), here are a few more questions you might want to consider asking yourself: "What would I consider to be ideal behaviors in the workplace?"; "What would I consider to be reasonable behaviors?", and "Where does my integrity and sense of self-worth dictate that I place my absolute lower limit of acceptable treatment?".
And finally, if you'd really like to begin treat yourself with the degree of dignity that I, personally, think you're entitled to, perhaps you might want to give some thought to adding these two more: "How many 'chances' am I willing to give someone who is disrespectful of me, before I remove either them or me from my office and refuse to ever see them, again?", and "Who can I reach out to, at either the state, county or local police departments, who could advise me of my rights, in these kinds of circumstances, and offer me some guidance as to how to approach any future such confrontations?"
Obviously, Jessica, I'm not you, and since I don't know all of the details of (and I'm not living) your life, I won't pretend for a nanosecond to know what's better, or either more right or fulfilling for you. Only you know that -- and you also know, better than anyone else in the world, exactly what "feels right", in terms of where you'll feel most comfortable drawing the line between financial requirements and the energy of respect. But I can and will share this much with you: the consciousness that led you to care enough about yourself to post this request -- in other words, "that still, small voice, within" -- already holds within it all of the advice you'll ever need, if you'll just pause, for a moment, trust your gut, and begin to place more value in what you know to be true for you, than in all of those warnings about losing your job.
...Come to think of it, here's one last question you might add to the kitty: "Which is worth more, to me: a position where someone else does the SOAP notes and covers the basics, but (obviously) doesn't bother to record in them the sheer volume of times his employees are harassed or abused, or one in which I'll be treated with the respect I have earned, but which might not pay me quite as well -- or, come to think of it, might even pay me better?"
Hat's off to you for realizing that you're worth more than that, Jessica, and for reaching out to the massage and bodywork community for support! (And here's to the newer, more aware "you," and to all of the cool possibilities that that can bring you!)
All the best,
Doug
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Permalink Reply by martin rørdam on
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I agree a lot with Doug, but when that's said I'm stunned that your boos is such an......
I have had a few good bosses in my life training me and your boss needs to take his employees more serious. He seems to forget that YOU are paying his house, food, vacations etc. At least that demands respect in my world!!! If you wont treat the old client, hold your stand and refuse (and be prepared to loose your job if your boss is even worse than I think!). Remember you have to look in the mirror every day and you have to love what you see to have a healthy life!!
Cheer up
martin, denmark
www.masseuren.dk (homepage in DANISH!)
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Permalink Reply by Linda LePelley, RN, NMT on
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All I can say, Doug, is that I couldn't have said it any better!!
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Permalink Reply by Gordon J. Wallis on
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The only thing that clinic is about, is money. It's obvious. Its the only reason you would stay there too...Its not about healing and helping. Not really.
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Seriously?!?! Could you be more judgmental?
Gordon J. Wallis said:The only thing that clinic is about, is money. It's obvious. Its the only reason you would stay there too...Its not about healing and helping. Not really.
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Its obvious..They force(Under the threat of being fired) their massage therapist to work on a pervert because they dont want to loose the little bit of money he gives them... He would have been physically escorted out of where I work... As a professional massage therapist I have the right to refuse anyone I want...And I know I will be backed up by my boss and co-workers. And besides that, You're judging me.
Gael Wood said:Seriously?!?! Could you be more judgmental?
Gordon J. Wallis said:The only thing that clinic is about, is money. It's obvious. Its the only reason you would stay there too...Its not about healing and helping. Not really.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel Cohen on
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No business in the USA has the right to refuse anyone. Since 1964 this right has been restricted. When you refuse someone you must be very sure you are not violating protected federal classes or additional ones your state law protects. Be careful how you refuse so you don't face a law suit you can't win.
As for who you work for, that is pretty much your choice. Sexual harassment in the work place is under the EEOC. They will investigate if they think you have a case.
Katie Clair said:You absolutely have the right to refuse treatment to anyone. Honestly if that were a coworker you could have gotten him in trouble for sexual harassment. The fact that the doc doesn't have your comfort and safety in mind speaks volumes about your employer.
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Things have become way too PC when you can't point out what is wrong and express your honest opinion about it. We make judgments every day, and there is nothing wrong with it, it is foolish not to develop a logical conclusion based on the data presented. The guy is being allowed to behave inappropriately and it only makes sense that it is all about the money. I think Jessica (righteously) expects her employer to look out for her and support her, but it would have happened by now if it ever was going to.
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"It's the only reason you would stay there too.."
Well I don't think it is appropriate to tell a therapist that came here for advice from other professionals that the only reason she is at this job is for the money. That was not in her post. Not everyone can just up and leave their job because there is a situation they don't like.
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Gael, agreed. Daniel, she's not trying to refuse him based on race or any other illegal bias, last time I looked, sexual aggessors aren't among that protected group. At least not yet!
If she has to stay at that job, she should stand her ground and refuse him. If they harrass or fire her over it, she should sue them for sexual harrassment. All of them, client, the doctor, and any other office person who participates in threatening her. No one has to put up with this kind of work environment!
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