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Protocols for Safety
what are some that you use?
In speaking with a colleague of mine, we were discussing her initial hesitation towards booking a client. she was communicating with him via email and text i believe. with each new response she had grown a little more cautious, even though she had already given the client one massage. There were sexual undertones but never overt questions on what she could do for him. When he continually asked her if she would work his groin area she tried to deflect this with letting him know that while she didn't specifically do groin work she could incorporate PNF stretches that would help. In the end, when it was a direct NO to the groin work, he withdrew his request for the massage.
as we discussed this I shared with her my 2 experiences to date of sexual innuendo within my session. for me one was a direct question in email and one was another, similar to above, in that you couldn't quite put your finger on it. but after my session with the client, it was clear (albeit he didn't try anything) that he was looking for something more.
not all of us work in spas or populated offices. some of us work in our offices, alone. so it got me thinking about what others do to "weed out" the inappropriate clients, while still maintaining a professional demeanor.
for me...as what we were taught in school...intuition is your first guard. listen to yourself and i think we immediately can start the weeding process.
what are some others?
In speaking with a colleague of mine, we were discussing her initial hesitation towards booking a client. she was communicating with him via email and text i believe. with each new response she had grown a little more cautious, even though she had already given the client one massage. There were sexual undertones but never overt questions on what she could do for him. When he continually asked her if she would work his groin area she tried to deflect this with letting him know that while she didn't specifically do groin work she could incorporate PNF stretches that would help. In the end, when it was a direct NO to the groin work, he withdrew his request for the massage.
as we discussed this I shared with her my 2 experiences to date of sexual innuendo within my session. for me one was a direct question in email and one was another, similar to above, in that you couldn't quite put your finger on it. but after my session with the client, it was clear (albeit he didn't try anything) that he was looking for something more.
not all of us work in spas or populated offices. some of us work in our offices, alone. so it got me thinking about what others do to "weed out" the inappropriate clients, while still maintaining a professional demeanor.
for me...as what we were taught in school...intuition is your first guard. listen to yourself and i think we immediately can start the weeding process.
what are some others?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Robin Byler Thomas on
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Hmmmmm, something to think about as I've also been a long time supporter of the GBLT community. When repeating this story to a couple close friends they did not relay the same distress when telling this story of a stranger calling a professional for a service; but they don't cross dress, that I'm aware of, either.
I will keep what you said in mind, if it ever happens again, before I say no. Really Erica, no laughing next time, this just caught me off guard after all the strange calls I'd received in the past and you're right, he did seem geniune.
Erica Olson said:Robin--
As a long-time supporter of the GBLT community, this is a little . . . distressing for me. Granted, this definitely could have been a creep, but for transfolk (transgender or transvestite), non-judgmental acceptance is very difficult to come by. As a general rule, cross-dressers find it a relaxing activity, rather than a sexual one. Asking if you would cross-dress during session may have been his equivalent of asking if you'd play heavy metal instead of Enya. *shrug* Just something to think about.
Robin Byler Thomas said:Years ago I had a young guy call me and tell me he liked to cross dress and asked if I would mind cross dressing for the session myself. I laughed so hard he hung up!
Robin
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Permalink Reply by Erica Olson on
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Sorry, Robin, "distressing" was the only word that I could come up with; hopefully it wasn't too strong. Glad to hear you're another supporter and took my feedback in the spirit it was meant. It's something I'm a bit hyper-aware of: a lot of my friends blog about gender issues. Also, we've got someone at a local gas station who has been transitioning for somewhere around a year now, although I think she's finally settling into presenting fully as female.
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Permalink Reply by Laura Allen on
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As you may have heard, I am against censorship. Leave it in :)
Lisa said:i don't see anything wrong with it. even if the photo was included in the post. we're all legit here so i don't see why we can't view the other side of the tracks when discussing what NOT to do regarding dress (and marketing). :)
Erica Olson said:Darcy, with all due respect, no, I won't delete it. The image is not included in the body of the post, so it's only visible to someone who clicks on the link.
Darcy Neibaur said:Erica would you please delete your post as the picture (this) does not belong here and was not necessary to make your point. Thank you.
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No worries Erica; you made me stop and think and I'll be more sensitive next time. He didn't frighten me, he just caught me off guard.
Erica Olson said:Sorry, Robin, "distressing" was the only word that I could come up with; hopefully it wasn't too strong. Glad to hear you're another supporter and took my feedback in the spirit it was meant. It's something I'm a bit hyper-aware of: a lot of my friends blog about gender issues. Also, we've got someone at a local gas station who has been transitioning for somewhere around a year now, although I think she's finally settling into presenting fully as female.
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Permalink Reply by Andrea McCully on
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I don't know alot about that subject, but I have to wonder why would it be important for HER to dress up? I can see how the client may have wanted to, but I think it's a little forward of him to ask her to do it.
Erica Olson said:Robin--
As a long-time supporter of the GBLT community, this is a little . . . distressing for me. Granted, this definitely could have been a creep, but for transfolk (transgender or transvestite), non-judgmental acceptance is very difficult to come by. As a general rule, cross-dressers find it a relaxing activity, rather than a sexual one. Asking if you would cross-dress during session may have been his equivalent of asking if you'd play heavy metal instead of Enya. *shrug* Just something to think about.
Robin Byler Thomas said:Years ago I had a young guy call me and tell me he liked to cross dress and asked if I would mind cross dressing for the session myself. I laughed so hard he hung up!
Robin
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Permalink Reply by Nicola Hogan on
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I believe that the best way to avoid this situation is about displaying a professional image, and your intention.
Whenever I have a new client asking about treatments and the style or type of massage I do, I ask about what type of treatment the person is after, eg specific injury related treatment, or relaxation etc and then I explain very clearly the process, what to wear, draping etc and the techniques I use.
My intent is always first and foremost restoring balance within the body. Assertiveness, eye contact and and being clear and upfront from the initial point of contact, that I perform remedial and therapeutic massage treatments works well to avoid any difficult situations.
To date, this method has worked for me and I have not experienced any sexual innuendo or clients asking for 'extras'. I have been a therapist for 11 years.
I have worked in a variety of settings, and I believe information is power, so we just have to educate the client from the first instance.
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*shrug* Again, it may have been his way of being able to relax. It also could have bee a litmus to test how sincere she was in her support of non-mainstream lifestyles--ie, putting her money where her mouth is, so to speak.
I don't disagree that it might have been inappropriate for this person to ask the MT to dress up, but I certainly think it's bad form to laugh to the point where the client hangs up. There are other ways to let a non-mainstream client know that you aren't judging him/her. A simple "No, that's not my thing, but feel free to dress whatever way makes you comfortable" would suffice.
Andrea Rose said:I don't know alot about that subject, but I have to wonder why would it be important for HER to dress up? I can see how the client may have wanted to, but I think it's a little forward of him to ask her to do it.
Erica Olson said:Robin--
As a long-time supporter of the GBLT community, this is a little . . . distressing for me. Granted, this definitely could have been a creep, but for transfolk (transgender or transvestite), non-judgmental acceptance is very difficult to come by. As a general rule, cross-dressers find it a relaxing activity, rather than a sexual one. Asking if you would cross-dress during session may have been his equivalent of asking if you'd play heavy metal instead of Enya. *shrug* Just something to think about.
Robin Byler Thomas said:Years ago I had a young guy call me and tell me he liked to cross dress and asked if I would mind cross dressing for the session myself. I laughed so hard he hung up!
Robin
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True. This was definitely an interesting conversation and I agree it does help to think about "what if" this came up in my practice, how would I handle it...and so on.
Erica Olson said:*shrug* Again, it may have been his way of being able to relax. It also could have bee a litmus to test how sincere she was in her support of non-mainstream lifestyles--ie, putting her money where her mouth is, so to speak. I don't disagree that it might have been inappropriate for this person to ask the MT to dress up, but I certainly think it's bad form to laugh to the point where the client hangs up. There are other ways to let a non-mainstream client know that you aren't judging him/her. A simple "No, that's not my thing, but feel free to dress whatever way makes you comfortable" would suffice.
Andrea Rose said:I don't know alot about that subject, but I have to wonder why would it be important for HER to dress up? I can see how the client may have wanted to, but I think it's a little forward of him to ask her to do it.
Erica Olson said:Robin--
As a long-time supporter of the GBLT community, this is a little . . . distressing for me. Granted, this definitely could have been a creep, but for transfolk (transgender or transvestite), non-judgmental acceptance is very difficult to come by. As a general rule, cross-dressers find it a relaxing activity, rather than a sexual one. Asking if you would cross-dress during session may have been his equivalent of asking if you'd play heavy metal instead of Enya. *shrug* Just something to think about.
Robin Byler Thomas said:Years ago I had a young guy call me and tell me he liked to cross dress and asked if I would mind cross dressing for the session myself. I laughed so hard he hung up!
Robin
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Yes thank you for saying that.
Rick Britton said:Having never, ever had even the slightest sexual innuendo or double entendre in my entire career I cannot say how I would react. I would probably be very embarrassed and blush profusely. My clients are coming to me for pain relieving bodywork rather than massage so they already have a pre-conceived idea of what they are gonna get and that means none of them would even imagine that 'other services' might be available.
Can I just say I fully support all that have experienced these episodes and that we all must work very hard to educate our clients and everyone we meet.
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