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Protocols for Safety
what are some that you use?
In speaking with a colleague of mine, we were discussing her initial hesitation towards booking a client. she was communicating with him via email and text i believe. with each new response she had grown a little more cautious, even though she had already given the client one massage. There were sexual undertones but never overt questions on what she could do for him. When he continually asked her if she would work his groin area she tried to deflect this with letting him know that while she didn't specifically do groin work she could incorporate PNF stretches that would help. In the end, when it was a direct NO to the groin work, he withdrew his request for the massage.
as we discussed this I shared with her my 2 experiences to date of sexual innuendo within my session. for me one was a direct question in email and one was another, similar to above, in that you couldn't quite put your finger on it. but after my session with the client, it was clear (albeit he didn't try anything) that he was looking for something more.
not all of us work in spas or populated offices. some of us work in our offices, alone. so it got me thinking about what others do to "weed out" the inappropriate clients, while still maintaining a professional demeanor.
for me...as what we were taught in school...intuition is your first guard. listen to yourself and i think we immediately can start the weeding process.
what are some others?
In speaking with a colleague of mine, we were discussing her initial hesitation towards booking a client. she was communicating with him via email and text i believe. with each new response she had grown a little more cautious, even though she had already given the client one massage. There were sexual undertones but never overt questions on what she could do for him. When he continually asked her if she would work his groin area she tried to deflect this with letting him know that while she didn't specifically do groin work she could incorporate PNF stretches that would help. In the end, when it was a direct NO to the groin work, he withdrew his request for the massage.
as we discussed this I shared with her my 2 experiences to date of sexual innuendo within my session. for me one was a direct question in email and one was another, similar to above, in that you couldn't quite put your finger on it. but after my session with the client, it was clear (albeit he didn't try anything) that he was looking for something more.
not all of us work in spas or populated offices. some of us work in our offices, alone. so it got me thinking about what others do to "weed out" the inappropriate clients, while still maintaining a professional demeanor.
for me...as what we were taught in school...intuition is your first guard. listen to yourself and i think we immediately can start the weeding process.
what are some others?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by lee kalpin on
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And how do male therapists respond when approached sexually by another MALE? Female therapists are unconfortable if a guy requests sexual services or shows signs of sexual arousal, but in my experience, male therapists are even more upset.
A young male therapist told me he was treating and husband and wife, plus their teen daughter. One day he had the male partner on the table and noticed that the man had an erection. The man then exposed himself. The therapist ended the massage, then later (when the client was dressed) had a conversation with him and told him this could not happen again. He now treats the man in prone position only.
Stephen Jeffrey said:Hi all ,
I must admit I feel sorry for you girls going into a session with a guy who's got the wrong idea/totally ignorant or is just on a wind up. There you are trying your damdest to help these guys and they just see it as a game to keep guiding conversation to doubler entondrue country. I am trying to see these situations where you got a large powerfull guy on the couch and I am the slightly built female trying to handle these situations.
Prehaps you can get together and do a dvd especially for female therapists giving lots of examples of this kinda behaviour/inuendo etc and how best to handle it.?
As a six feet two 14 stone male, inappropiate requests by female clients (yes they been watching to much of sex in the city) no longer bother me as I've made the dicision not to end a career that I live and breath in "that way".
Here's a question for you. How do you handle the heavy breathers ? I mean when they start to get loud ? Are they just enjoying the session or what ?
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Permalink Reply by Dayna Davis on
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I am currently a student and this is what my teacher spoke about this. She always keeps in mind her exit path from a room. When she did house calls or hotel calls she would go into the room call a person on the phone either the hotel lobby or a person she knew to let them know she is starting the massage and she will call when it is over at a said time. Obviously she kept it very professional and business like. I know there are many situations a person can get themselves into and intuition is your friend. My advice is don't allow any conversation like that to happen in the first place and give the vibe back that that kind of talk isn't allowed. I also (when I ever get time) would like to take a jujitsu class LOL. I hope I don't sound to green.
Take care of yourselves,
Dayna
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Permalink Reply by Laura Allen on
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You guys crack me up!
Bottom line is never endanger yourself. If you work alone whether that's at home, doing outcalls, or in an office and you seriously feel threatened, the coughing fit is a good idea, except I would extend that on out the front door and call someone to come to the office, whether it's the police, a neighbor, your spouse or your mother. If you work alone and it's a client you don't know, it's always wise to have your cell phone and your car key on your body, not lying around somewhere.
Remember that you are the one in power, when it comes down to it. The client's unclothed body is lying on the table while your fully clothed body is standing over them. You can disable someone if you have to, although I don't recommend assaulting anyone except as a last resort. You can certainly leave them there while you make an escape.
I frequently hear from male therapists that they get hit on all the time, too. A therapist I know in his 70's said "as old and ugly as I am, I still get hit on."
At one school I teach in, which has a clinic attached to it, the security system they have installed includes a panic button in each massage room. It is a red button and prominently labeled. I think just the presence of it is a deterrent to any bad behavior. You can probably purchase a wall plate with a fake button if you can't afford the security system.
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Permalink Reply by Darcy Neibaur on
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Also remember, Am I dressed "Ugly" or Am I dressed "Cute". This is something that was brought out in an Ethics class.
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That is just plain wrong. I don't think anyone has to be ugly. I do think therapists should never dress in a suggestive manner, no boobs hanging out, no short shorts, etc, but you don't have to wear a burlap sack. I've had therapists show up at my CE classes in some outfits that made me wonder if they do massage dressed that way....if you dress in a sexy manner, you are asking to be hit on.
Darcy Neibaur said:Also remember, Am I dressed "Ugly" or Am I dressed "Cute". This is something that was brought out in an Ethics class.
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Permalink Reply by Jorge Arnaldo Pabón Acevedo on
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Oh my God. In my case I have serius problem with males. When a male call me I just hear two things, if he is streight, he ask for a lady to be massaged of if it gay, ask for "tantric" o physical description. I have my male client who are the exceptions, but for the regular I have bad experience with others male. Woman are more discrete, woman for the regular want therapy, take a breath fro the children and job, but man are another story.
But when I give to my client a little speech about my service and give to them my broshure, I have a little note at the service policy where says about sexual approaches.
:o)
lee kalpin said:And how do male therapists respond when approached sexually by another MALE? Female therapists are unconfortable if a guy requests sexual services or shows signs of sexual arousal, but in my experience, male therapists are even more upset.
A young male therapist told me he was treating and husband and wife, plus their teen daughter. One day he had the male partner on the table and noticed that the man had an erection. The man then exposed himself. The therapist ended the massage, then later (when the client was dressed) had a conversation with him and told him this could not happen again. He now treats the man in prone position only.
Stephen Jeffrey said:Hi all ,
I must admit I feel sorry for you girls going into a session with a guy who's got the wrong idea/totally ignorant or is just on a wind up. There you are trying your damdest to help these guys and they just see it as a game to keep guiding conversation to doubler entondrue country. I am trying to see these situations where you got a large powerfull guy on the couch and I am the slightly built female trying to handle these situations.
Prehaps you can get together and do a dvd especially for female therapists giving lots of examples of this kinda behaviour/inuendo etc and how best to handle it.?
As a six feet two 14 stone male, inappropiate requests by female clients (yes they been watching to much of sex in the city) no longer bother me as I've made the dicision not to end a career that I live and breath in "that way".
Here's a question for you. How do you handle the heavy breathers ? I mean when they start to get loud ? Are they just enjoying the session or what ?
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Permalink Reply by Erica Olson on
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Exaaaaaaactly. Particularly regarding the power dynamic.
Laura Allen said:Remember that you are the one in power, when it comes down to it. The client's unclothed body is lying on the table while your fully clothed body is standing over them. You can disable someone if you have to, although I don't recommend assaulting anyone except as a last resort. You can certainly leave them there while you make an escape.
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Warning: rant to follow
Y'know, I've heard people say this is one form or another for years, and I've even agreed with it to an extent--mainly in that if you want to be taken professionally, you should present a professional appearance. Something about the way this was phrased, though--ugly vs. cute, asking to be hit on--is seriously raising my hackles. It's like blaming a sexual assault survivor for the way she was dressed. Or saying that prostitutes can't be raped because sex is their job.
Like it or not, we are in a profession that has been used as a euphemism for prostitution. While I don't think there's anything wrong with prostitution and that it should be legalized, it's not what I do. I didn't pay $10K to learn how to give hand jobs, thankyouverymuch. So what if some idiot doesn't know the difference? Am I going to screech and have a hissy fit?
No. I'm going to educate him (or her!). X is what prostitutes do. Y is what massage therapists do. I am a massage therapist, and I do Y. The only person that gets the benefit of my X is my sweetheart. If you're looking for X, you won't find it here, and no, I don't care if your massage therapist back home does it for you. She's not an MT, she's a prostitute, and she's giving all MTs a bad name.
I agree that the salons that require women to do massage in lingerie are sending the wrong message about what we do, but I think a therapist ought to be able to wear a tank top for comfort and ease of movement when working. If someone has the wrong intent coming in, what you wear isn't going to make a lick of difference--ie, 70-year-old therapists getting hit on. Saying that female therapists are "asking for it" sends a horribly retrogressive message, IMO. No one "asks" to be sexually harassed, which is exactly what this is.
Laura Allen said:....if you dress in a sexy manner, you are asking to be hit on.
Darcy Neibaur said:Also remember, Am I dressed "Ugly" or Am I dressed "Cute". This is something that was brought out in an Ethics class.
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Permalink Reply by Marissa on
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Rock on with your bad self! ;)
Erica Olson said:Warning: rant to follow
Like it or not, we are in a profession that has been used as a euphemism for prostitution......
If someone has the wrong intent coming in, what you wear isn't going to make a lick of difference--ie, 70-year-old therapists getting hit on. Saying that female therapists are "asking for it" sends a horribly retrogressive message, IMO. No one "asks" to be sexually harassed, which is exactly what this is.
Laura Allen said:....if you dress in a sexy manner, you are asking to be hit on.
Darcy Neibaur said:Also remember, Am I dressed "Ugly" or Am I dressed "Cute". This is something that was brought out in an Ethics class.
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I'll stand by my statement, and I'm not offended by anyone ranting or disagreeing. I had a therapist show up for a CE class wearing a one-piece black catsuit that she was poured into, her nipples on the verge of jumping out, and a pair of 6-in stilettos. She did massage like that the whole weekend. What would be your impression if you went to her? She was sending a message whether it was conscious or not.
I don't think a tank top is sending a sex message unless your boobs are hanging out of it. Someone may hit on you if you're wearing a nun's habit, but I still maintain it's more likely to happen if you're dressed like you're going out pole dancing.
Marissa Macias said:Rock on with your bad self! ;)
Erica Olson said:Warning: rant to follow
Like it or not, we are in a profession that has been used as a euphemism for prostitution......
If someone has the wrong intent coming in, what you wear isn't going to make a lick of difference--ie, 70-year-old therapists getting hit on. Saying that female therapists are "asking for it" sends a horribly retrogressive message, IMO. No one "asks" to be sexually harassed, which is exactly what this is.
Laura Allen said:....if you dress in a sexy manner, you are asking to be hit on.
Darcy Neibaur said:Also remember, Am I dressed "Ugly" or Am I dressed "Cute". This is something that was brought out in an Ethics class.
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Permalink Reply by Kimberly Rogers on
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Hi Lisa,
I hear what you are saying. Even in this new enlightened "millennium" there are still creeps out there. I have worked in a health clinic and a maternity center, where other people answer the phone. I have explained to the reception staff how important they were to our protection by simply screening calls. The massage therapists came up with a checklist of questions for them to ask every time one of them answered the phone. And if they weren't sure about the caller, they would ask one of us to take over the call.
That was one of the things they taught us in school...screen new clients (both male and female--creeps exist in both genders). This technique has helped me out alot. Especially when one of the staff decided to post therapy openings on Craigslist. By using this tool, several creepy client-wannabees have been flushed out. It's also a good back-up when you're not sure if you're intuition is right (which it usually is 99.99% of the time).
Just my 2-cents worth.
--Kim
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