I absolutely love teaching. I used to teach theatre management and theatre history, sometimes directing and acting. But I adore teaching massage most of all. Now I am being offered the position of Director in charge of our campus's massage school.
I'm honored but also fearful. I had been director at a state university's performing arts center. The stress and politics nearly killed me. After a bout with a brain tumor, I chose to switch careers instead of pursuing my PhD and go into massage. I wanted to switch from being a type "A" personality and try to become more laid back, accepting. Now the Universe is offering me a second go at being in charge, and I am frozen with fear.
I would still get to teach. Indeed, I am required to teach at least 15 hours a week. The owner is not an easy woman to work for. The owner owns the schools and expects all her wishes and demands to be met immediately. Her second-in-command is competent but far away from our campus. I fear making mistakes. The owner's style of management is yelling. She is not a patient woman. My fear is taking this job and failing. I fear that my health could be a problem, as I have RA. I fear being disliked by my students and coworkers. My students love me right now, but will possibly love me less when I have to be the 'Baddie" and enforce the rules like 'no cell phones." There are several teachers who will dislike the fact I was offered the position and they were not. They have been there longer but I hold two master degrees, one in administration. I fear the job sucking up time away from my family. I've never been good at just doing 40 hours and calling it a week. The pros to taking the job: salaried position, health insurance and the potential to bring some great things to the school like CE classes for alumni and more guest speakers, workshops and other great benefits for the current students.
I want to accept the position but I am afraid and coming up with more reasons to decline. What can I do to help me overcome the burns of the past and embrace the future?