When Clients Become Inappropriate

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to share with you all an experience I've had in my private practice so that we can all discuss and learn from it. A client became inappopriate with me and I have to terminate our relationship, but looking back on it now, I can see that there were some red flags...

Dan (name has been changed) was a yoga student of mine and regularly attended classes. He was a dedicated student and clearly had been practicing yoga for years. One day, he approached me to give me some feedback after class. I informed him that I have a massage practice in town and I handed him my card, thinking that he might be interested in receiving massage.

About a week later, I received a call from him stating that he would like to book a 90-minute massage with me. I was happy to have a new client and especially someone with whom I have a similar interest. I had him fill out my paperwork and lead him to the table to explain that he was to undress to his level of comfort and lay facedown underneath the topsheet. Our first massage went well, I noticed that he was directive and would indicate exactly where he would like me to work on and for how long, then move me on to the next muscle group. He requested very deep pressure. Afterwards, when it was time to check him out, he asked for the "super best friend's discount." I laughed and told him that I could take $10 off his total.

Dan came in for massage about once a month for the next four months or so. During our second massage, Dan asked if I would like to come over to his house some time to practice yoga with him. During another massage, he suggested that we could do a massage trade sometime, because he has had a lot of massages and he thinks that he would be a good therapist. And during our third massage, he started to undrape himself to expose his buttocks and gluteal cleft while I was working on his back. I would continually redrape him, and he would continually undrape himself. I asked if he was hot, and he replied no. I redraped his entire back and moved on to his posterior legs.

During the last massage, I felt things were getting inappropriate. It was a 90-minute massage and I worked on the posterior side of his body for an hour before having him turn over. He asked me to work on his quads so I undraped his left leg. He started talking, "You know, I've been divorced for 10 years but my ex-wife and I used to massage each other all the time. It was really nice; I miss it." I told him that I only receive massages from professionals. He then asked, "Well since we know each other, do you think you can give me something extra?" I replied, "Absolutely not. That is not what I do." He said, "Oh, I figured you'd say no." I finished the massage as quickly as I could because I felt uncomfortable, however, I did not want to escalate a situation by being rude--I was alone on the floor of the building where I work.

After the massage, I ran out of the room and ran up and down the halls to make sure that no one else was in their office. I even ran upstairs to the apartment above, just to let someone know what had happened in case things escalated when I checked him out, but no one was around. I went back to my office and Dan was waiting for me by my desk.

He handed me his payment and said he was sorry if he upset me. I asked him what had given him the idea that it was ok to ask me that. He said that it was nothing I did, that it was him, his energy is all messed up. I explained that I have a professional practice and that I would need to speak to other professionals to see how to handle this. He became upset, whiny even, and said what I good therapist I am and how his judgement was just off. He said my massage has helped him so much and how sorry he is to upset me.

I told him that I appreciate his apology, but that I do need to think about how I wish to move forward because I want to maintain the integrity of my practice and that this has never happened to me before. His response was, "Oh, really?" as though he was surprised that I have not encountered this behavoir before. I told him that I do not want to take on the role of counselor, but that it seems, based on what he said, that he is having some feelings of loneliness that would lead him to do something like this and that he needs to learn how to control those feelings. He said, "I think a lot of people are lonely though." I told him, "I don't want to be targeted for those emotions."

Now I am thinking about a proper email to write Dan to explain that he has crossed boundaries and should not be receiving professional massage until he is able to make clear distinctions between a therapeutic massage and a massage given to him by his ex-wife. I am thinking back to what I learned in ethics class and some of the terms we learned. Does anyone think that there was some transferrence here? What do you think about the events leading up to his suggestion? Do you think I could have stopped this progression much earlier on? Thanks all for listening and I am looking forward to discussing this with a group of professionals.