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FREE BUSINESS ADVICE

A younger therapist has been coming to me for bodywork and business advice...non-stop questions while I work on her, which I freely answered. I wanted to be encouraging. Very recently she has opened a location of her own and is now posting fliers for her business around town - including in the same building where my practice is.

I feel a bit betrayed - any others ever have this happen? How did you handle it?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Maria Troia on September 26, 2009 at 4:54pm

Karma has a way of catching up with people, so don't put your energy into her actions and feeling betrayed, though you are certainly right to feel that way. Licking your wounds won't change anything though.

I'd put the energy into figuring out what is it in you that allowed her to direct your session, getting what she needed (which was clearly not about bodywork... she had an agenda, paid for information, and happened to get a massage as a byproduct).

Now about you.... massage is about holding the space and giving therapy, not engaging people in "non-stop questions." The power imbalance lies with you, always. If someone plays 40 questions, our discernment antennae should go up, whether they are therapists or clients. Something is not right. We should be able to stop them, refocus them, and get to the work at hand (no pun intended). The client (whether LMT or not) is not there to talk, and neither are we (with little deviations to that rule of course as things relate to treatment, but not to the degree where it's all talk, particulary "shop talk.").

Someone took you out of your focus and they played you. That always hurts. It hurts that much more because we expect our colleagues to be conscious (particularly new grads who we expect to be innocent).

The question remains, what need in you allowed her to run the session and get what she wanted from you? That's the starting point I'd move forward from.

Maria Troia, MSEd, LMT, NCTMB, CH
www.kiraholistic.com

Permalink Reply by Nancy Toner Weinberger on September 26, 2009 at 8:10pm

Well, I would take down her fliers in your building if they are posted in a place that is accessible. If they are in someone else's office, or on a locked bulletin board, I would make a request that they be removed, as her office is not in the building and yours is. In other locations, I don't see how you can do anything about it.

Another question to ask- Is she following the advice you gave her? (Putting up the fliers, I mean.) If so that is flattering- she listened to you and took your advice! Perhaps you could call her and explain that you did NOT mean for her to put them up in the building where you work.

Feelings of betrayal mean trust was broken, but sometimes we make a mistake and trust someone who is not trustworthy. Or we have misinterpreted the relationship. Or there is a communication gap. Hard to know unless you talk with her.

Permalink Reply by Ariana Vincent, LMT, MTI, BCTMB on September 26, 2009 at 10:47pm

Dear Artemesia -

You seem like a very kind and generous person. Thank you for sharing your concerns with the group about the person you are mentoring.

If I were in this situation, I would take a moment to step back and ask myself, "What is the best thing that I can do for myself in this moment?" I would also ask, "How can I take care of myself without suppressing my own feelings?"

What is the bottom line for you? How would you like to see this situation resolved?

Someone once taught me what they called an "assertiveness statement."

It goes: "I feel __________ when you __________ because ________________."

In this particular situation, you might say: "I feel betrayed (or hurt or disappointed) when you post your fliers in my building because (and then you fill in the blank).

If I were in this situation, I might consider inviting the person I was mentoring to lunch to discuss my feelings so we could clear the air and exist together in a spirit of cooperation rather than competition.

I believe you will both feel better in the long run if you create an opportunity to heal the hurt that you feel.

Warmly, Ariana

Permalink Reply by lee kalpin on December 1, 2009 at 3:53pm

It is important to keep a clear relationship, avoiding dual relationships. In this case you have been in a dual relationship: one is the client/therapist relationship and the other you were acting as a mentor and business advisor. There are risks to dual relationships and this is one of them. While the client is on the table you are wanting to be caring and helpful, therefore you gave out free advice. This may now be coming back to bite you, and I am not surprised that you feel betrayed.

It is a warning in the future to keep your relationships very clear.