loss of a loved one and taking time off school

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gloria Coppola on February 18, 2010 at 11:13am

Wow is right Silvana. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the lack of compassion from your school.

Schools do set their own policies and the least they should do is show you understanding and help you
make up your lost time.

When I owned my school, I made sure students not only received the support and compassion for the loss
of a loved one, I made sure when they returned that we guided and counseled them for their make up work.

Permalink Reply by silvana marroche on February 18, 2010 at 11:17am

Thank you so much Gloria. Yea, well, you are an exception :). I am a strong girl so I figure, its on them, but none the less its bothersome that a "MASSAGE THERAPY Director" has such lack of empathy and compassion. She's new but its no excuse. The one we had before her was a gem. Anyway..... I will be making up the time, no doubt, and cant wait to be done and graduated :) thanks! Oh! I saw your interview in massage magazine. NICE :)

Gloria Coppola said:

Wow is right Silvana. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the lack of compassion from your school.

Schools do set their own policies and the least they should do is show you understanding and help you
make up your lost time.

When I owned my school, I made sure students not only received the support and compassion for the loss
of a loved one, I made sure when they returned that we guided and counseled them for their make up work.

Permalink Reply by silvana marroche on February 18, 2010 at 11:55am

Oh Samantha thanks so much. Yea, its just really irritating when you are in 'compassion/ empathetic " type of practice, school or what have you, and in such a situation its not even aknowledged.

Samantha J. Bennett said:

Silvana- i'm so sorry for your loss,
I think it depends a lot on the instructors as well in the school you go to for that type of thing. When I was in school we had several people that had to miss for family emergenies and deaths in the family/ or close friends. Our instructors worked with them well when things like that happened and would change their clinical schedule or allow the clinic to be open a few hours after, etc. Things like that. And since our school was running programs back to back- if someone needed more time to get to that standard of say massage clinical hours, etc. it was fine because they could just come in a few days after "graduation day" to finish completing their time. One thing I recommend to all students - before you sign on the doted line....schedule yourself for a massage on their clinical floor that way you get a feeling for what that school is like and can also be indroduced to the instructors! The school even gave me a free 1 hr massage when i mentioned before hand that i wanted to do that.

Permalink Reply by Ilana Craig on February 18, 2010 at 11:58am

I am so sorry that you have had this experience with your massage school during this fragile and emotional time. My brother got diagnosed with cancer while I was in massage school and then later died. I remember the students being very supportive and loving, but the school administration was more concerned in me paying for tutoring hours to make up class than concerned about my emotional well being. This is why selecting your massage school is such an important step. What your school did to you is wrong, they should at least have showed condolence, but it is up to each school to write their policies and procedures that relate to this types of situations. When someone you love dies, you need unconditional support and love, stress about school, hours, time, money needs to sift away so you can 100% deal with the grieving process. So, if you further your education or take another program in massage, make sure to ask for their policies/manual so that you can see what type of culture the school has. Will they be understanding?

Permalink Reply by lee kalpin on February 18, 2010 at 12:02pm

That is really unfortunate. I do hope your fellow students are rallying around to support you at this time.

When I was Dean of a college I tried to provide support for anyone who had suffered a loss, and to help them make up for any time they missed. One thing I will point out to students: - at most schools it helps if you have a previously good attendance record and have been a conscientious student. Teachers and admin staff are more likely to come to student's support if that student has been a diligent worker. People who are constantly skipping classes, not turning in assignments, sleeping in class are less likely to get support. It is sad because their loss is just as great, but teachers are human too and a student builds up "credit" by their ongoing behaviour.

Permalink Reply by silvana marroche on February 18, 2010 at 12:04pm

I am very sorry to hear about your brother. Cancer is a horrible disease and so degrading to the patient; so painful for the patient and loved ones. The students, which have become my friends were great, but cant say much about some of the the staff. I will be furthuring my education of course, and will absolutley check the teachings much better. Thanks so much for your reply. And again, I truly feel for you and your family on your brother :(.

Ilana Craig said:

I am so sorry that you have had this experience with your massage school during this fragile and emotional time. My brother got diagnosed with cancer while I was in massage school and then later died. I remember the students being very supportive and loving, but the school administration was more concerned in me paying for tutoring hours to make up class than concerned about my emotional well being. This is why selecting your massage school is such an important step. What your school did to you is wrong, they should at least have showed condolence, but it is up to each school to write their policies and procedures that relate to this types of situations. When someone you love dies, you need unconditional support and love, stress about school, hours, time, money needs to sift away so you can 100% deal with the grieving process. So, if you further your education or take another program in massage, make sure to ask for their policies/manual so that you can see what type of culture the school has. Will they be understanding?

Permalink Reply by silvana marroche on February 18, 2010 at 12:18pm

Welllllll I dont do any of those things! Ha! sleeping in class are you serious?! WOW! I go to class, I did take a LOA because of my moms illness, as she battled cancer from august thru december 2009. But thats a LOA, totally different. I work 7-330 am and go to class 6-10pm M-Th; raise my son and spend my weekends studying for the test we have every monday. I even do the extra credit work. My test scores have always been at 92%; 98% and 100%. With the excepetion that 'the week my mom died" i didnt study for the test on that following monday, so i got a "C".
Honeslty, i am just disappointed with the way the teaching staff behaved is all. Not seeking sympathy from them at all, just a wee pit of compassion. My job was amazing with supporting me. BUT we are not all the same, so it is what it is :)
thanks for your reply! :)

lee kalpin said:

That is really unfortunate. I do hope your fellow students are rallying around to support you at this time.

When I was Dean of a college I tried to provide support for anyone who had suffered a loss, and to help them make up for any time they missed. One thing I will point out to students: - at most schools it helps if you have a previously good attendance record and have been a conscientious student. Teachers and admin staff are more likely to come to student's support if that student has been a diligent worker. People who are constantly skipping classes, not turning in assignments, sleeping in class are less likely to get support. It is sad because their loss is just as great, but teachers are human too and a student builds up "credit" by their ongoing behaviour.

Permalink Reply by lee kalpin on February 18, 2010 at 5:30pm

That is really too bad. I will repeat what others have said. We are in a profession that is about caring and empathy, and one would hope that teachers would model that behaviour in dealing with students.
You sound as if you are a very strong person, so I'm sure you will cope and do well in your courses in spite of this callous behaviour.
I suggest you might get some counselling to help you cope, and I hope you will allow yourself time to grieve for your mother. Hard to do when you have school, a child to raise and a job, but it's essential to your mental and spiritual health.

By the way, you sound like just the kind of person I would have LOVED to have as a student!


good luck with your studies. You seem like aperson who will be a very good and caring therapist.
silvana marroche said:

Welllllll I dont do any of those things! Ha! sleeping in class are you serious?! WOW! I go to class, I did take a LOA because of my moms illness, as she battled cancer from august thru december 2009. But thats a LOA, totally different. I work 7-330 am and go to class 6-10pm M-Th; raise my son and spend my weekends studying for the test we have every monday. I even do the extra credit work. My test scores have always been at 92%; 98% and 100%. With the excepetion that 'the week my mom died" i didnt study for the test on that following monday, so i got a "C".
Honeslty, i am just disappointed with the way the teaching staff behaved is all. Not seeking sympathy from them at all, just a wee pit of compassion. My job was amazing with supporting me. BUT we are not all the same, so it is what it is :)
thanks for your reply! :)

lee kalpin said:

That is really unfortunate. I do hope your fellow students are rallying around to support you at this time.

When I was Dean of a college I tried to provide support for anyone who had suffered a loss, and to help them make up for any time they missed. One thing I will point out to students: - at most schools it helps if you have a previously good attendance record and have been a conscientious student. Teachers and admin staff are more likely to come to student's support if that student has been a diligent worker. People who are constantly skipping classes, not turning in assignments, sleeping in class are less likely to get support. It is sad because their loss is just as great, but teachers are human too and a student builds up "credit" by their ongoing behaviour.

Permalink Reply by Michael A. Breaux on February 27, 2010 at 5:21pm

I'm sorry to hear that you were treated this way in massage school. Our profession is based totally upon customer service and empathy. Unfortunately, some schools are more business than personal passion. Every school should allow personal time for the death of a close family member. You may be getting "the punishment" for past classmates who were not as dedicated as yourself; every school has one or two students that bury about 7 grandmothers during the course of the year just to get out of class. But a good administrator should be able to look at your attendance and grades and know the truth; and then cut you some slack. Most schools ask for feedback after graduation, give them yours, the school owners need to know how their students are being treated.