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Protocols for Safety
what are some that you use?
In speaking with a colleague of mine, we were discussing her initial hesitation towards booking a client. she was communicating with him via email and text i believe. with each new response she had grown a little more cautious, even though she had already given the client one massage. There were sexual undertones but never overt questions on what she could do for him. When he continually asked her if she would work his groin area she tried to deflect this with letting him know that while she didn't specifically do groin work she could incorporate PNF stretches that would help. In the end, when it was a direct NO to the groin work, he withdrew his request for the massage.
as we discussed this I shared with her my 2 experiences to date of sexual innuendo within my session. for me one was a direct question in email and one was another, similar to above, in that you couldn't quite put your finger on it. but after my session with the client, it was clear (albeit he didn't try anything) that he was looking for something more.
not all of us work in spas or populated offices. some of us work in our offices, alone. so it got me thinking about what others do to "weed out" the inappropriate clients, while still maintaining a professional demeanor.
for me...as what we were taught in school...intuition is your first guard. listen to yourself and i think we immediately can start the weeding process.
what are some others?
In speaking with a colleague of mine, we were discussing her initial hesitation towards booking a client. she was communicating with him via email and text i believe. with each new response she had grown a little more cautious, even though she had already given the client one massage. There were sexual undertones but never overt questions on what she could do for him. When he continually asked her if she would work his groin area she tried to deflect this with letting him know that while she didn't specifically do groin work she could incorporate PNF stretches that would help. In the end, when it was a direct NO to the groin work, he withdrew his request for the massage.
as we discussed this I shared with her my 2 experiences to date of sexual innuendo within my session. for me one was a direct question in email and one was another, similar to above, in that you couldn't quite put your finger on it. but after my session with the client, it was clear (albeit he didn't try anything) that he was looking for something more.
not all of us work in spas or populated offices. some of us work in our offices, alone. so it got me thinking about what others do to "weed out" the inappropriate clients, while still maintaining a professional demeanor.
for me...as what we were taught in school...intuition is your first guard. listen to yourself and i think we immediately can start the weeding process.
what are some others?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Darcy Neibaur on
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The few that I have had, 3 that I can think of, once I have said no to them they have not returned, which is fine by me. They never tried anything either. Florida has a no drapping law that says the client can request no drapping. Where I work, all clients must be draped. They do not get the choice. We also use blankets year round. I do give clients the choice of having the blanket, as I do not like the blanket myself. All tables are heated if they want the heat. I actually like the heat with the sheet during the massage.
Now where I work, we have had a couple of guys come in intoxicated. One was even carrying a can of open Beer with him as he was walking in. The Owner and another male therapist escorted both men out of the facility and the massages were not performed. Last night I heard of a situation of a young lady who came in for a massage yesterday morning. When the therapist walked into the room the woman was sitting on top of the table naked. The therapist asked the woman to get under the sheet and stepped out of the room until the woman had the opportunity to do so. So we do get all kinds of folks. Each situation is dealt with as they happen.
The only folks I massage here at my home are folks I personally know. I do not pick up any clients off the internet or Craigs List.
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Permalink Reply by Erica Olson on
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Confidence and a no-nonsense attitude are great for confrontation. I've had a few skeevy guys; the worst ones are the ones that just put out the vibe, rather than hinting or directly asking.
Last winter, I was hired to work on a group of guys (a business group on vacation), as well as provide extra therapists to help out. Two of the women I hired got sketched out by the same guy, so on the third night I pulled him aside to talk to him. I asked him what his experience with massage was, and when he said strictly therapeutic, I told him that he'd creeped out both my therapists to the point that neither wanted to work with him again. When he asked what he'd done, what he'd said, I told him that it wasn't necessarily either of those, but that as therapists we're highly trained to pick up on body language. I also gave him a few examples of his behavior (locking the door behind him when he went in with the therapist for the pre-session consult) and told him that if he wanted a massage that night, I would be the one working with him. He meekly agreed.
He was visibly uncomfortable during the entire conversation, fidgeting with his water bottle and having difficulty making eye contact. He'd also given the second therapist an extremely guilty look when I called him down to talk to me. Busted!
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If they refuse to make eye contact, that is the answer. The EYES do not Lie. Also remember, we as LMT's have the right to refuse service to anyone we do not feel comfortable massagging.
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Permalink Reply by Emma Torsey on
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I have something on my client in take form that makes it clear that any sexual advances will end the session right away!
E.
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Oh good idea Emma.
Emma Torsey said:I have something on my client in take form that makes it clear that any sexual advances will end the session right away!
E.
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*shrug* Both the spas that I've worked at have pretty much the same sort of wording. Hasn't stopped at least 3 of 'em so far.
Darcy Neibaur said:Oh good idea Emma.
Emma Torsey said:I have something on my client in take form that makes it clear that any sexual advances will end the session right away!
E.
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Erica Olson said:*shrug* Both the spas that I've worked at have pretty much the same sort of wording. Hasn't stopped at least 3 of 'em so far.
Darcy Neibaur said:Oh good idea Emma.
Emma Torsey said:I have something on my client in take form that makes it clear that any sexual advances will end the session right away!
E.
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Jeffrey on
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Hi all ,
I must admit I feel sorry for you girls going into a session with a guy who's got the wrong idea/totally ignorant or is just on a wind up. There you are trying your damdest to help these guys and they just see it as a game to keep guiding conversation to doubler entondrue country. I am trying to see these situations where you got a large powerfull guy on the couch and I am the slightly built female trying to handle these situations.
Prehaps you can get together and do a dvd especially for female therapists giving lots of examples of this kinda behaviour/inuendo etc and how best to handle it.?
As a six feet two 14 stone male, inappropiate requests by female clients (yes they been watching to much of sex in the city) no longer bother me as I've made the dicision not to end a career that I live and breath in "that way".
Here's a question for you. How do you handle the heavy breathers ? I mean when they start to get loud ? Are they just enjoying the session or what ?
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Permalink Reply by Marissa on
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Heavy breathers... got me laughing! If at any time, I start to get "uncomfortable" with the sound effects or there is a little too much shifting in the positions, I immediately change the modality/stroke sequence. If this doesn't work I have at times pulled out a fake "coughing fit" where I have to excuse myself to blow my nose and wash my hands. Then I come back in to the room and apologize for the tickle that was stuck in my throat. Ruins the mood as you can imagine. Plus, the hands are probably a little cool do to the ice water I've just soaked them in! :)
Stephen Jeffrey said:Hi all ,
I must admit I feel sorry for you girls going into a session with a guy who's got the wrong idea/totally ignorant or is just on a wind up. There you are trying your damdest to help these guys and they just see it as a game to keep guiding conversation to doubler entondrue country. I am trying to see these situations where you got a large powerfull guy on the couch and I am the slightly built female trying to handle these situations.
Prehaps you can get together and do a dvd especially for female therapists giving lots of examples of this kinda behaviour/inuendo etc and how best to handle it.?
As a six feet two 14 stone male, inappropiate requests by female clients (yes they been watching to much of sex in the city) no longer bother me as I've made the dicision not to end a career that I live and breath in "that way".
Here's a question for you. How do you handle the heavy breathers ? I mean when they start to get loud ? Are they just enjoying the session or what ?
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Ahh Marissa thats what the ice water is for .....I been putting it down my shorts and across my brow. lol
Marissa Macias said:Heavy breathers... got me laughing! If at any time, I start to get "uncomfortable" with the sound effects or there is a little too much shifting in the positions, I immediately change the modality/stroke sequence. If this doesn't work I have at times pulled out a fake "coughing fit" where I have to excuse myself to blow my nose and wash my hands. Then I come back in to the room and apologize for the tickle that was stuck in my throat. Ruins the mood as you can imagine. Plus, the hands are probably a little cool do to the ice water I've just soaked them in! :)
Stephen Jeffrey said:Hi all ,
I must admit I feel sorry for you girls going into a session with a guy who's got the wrong idea/totally ignorant or is just on a wind up. There you are trying your damdest to help these guys and they just see it as a game to keep guiding conversation to doubler entondrue country. I am trying to see these situations where you got a large powerfull guy on the couch and I am the slightly built female trying to handle these situations.
Prehaps you can get together and do a dvd especially for female therapists giving lots of examples of this kinda behaviour/inuendo etc and how best to handle it.?
As a six feet two 14 stone male, inappropiate requests by female clients (yes they been watching to much of sex in the city) no longer bother me as I've made the dicision not to end a career that I live and breath in "that way".
Here's a question for you. How do you handle the heavy breathers ? I mean when they start to get loud ? Are they just enjoying the session or what ?
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Marissa, that's brilliant!
Marissa Macias said:If this doesn't work I have at times pulled out a fake "coughing fit" where I have to excuse myself to blow my nose and wash my hands. Then I come back in to the room and apologize for the tickle that was stuck in my throat. Ruins the mood as you can imagine. Plus, the hands are probably a little cool do to the ice water I've just soaked them in! :)
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Permalink Reply by Marilyn St.John on
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For a laugh, you might want to go back and check out my experience with pushy guys on the early Blooper Group site -- my "pushy guy" experience happened during was my very first public massage when I was still at the school!
I really love the coughing jag idea, but I found out that a little judo works well, too. There's also a posting from a female MT who keeps a fly swatter handy...
Another red flag I have seen over the years is when some old letch (there have been several) questions me about my sex life...you know, the kind who is "older" (maybe 65+) and usually European, and thinks he can therefore get away with a little "innocent" questioning. I just give them the silent treatment and do my work...it has never come up twice in a session, and they usually don't come in for a second visit. Then there was one 20-something who said I looked like I could be the "older, patient" woman...That one didn't have the "red flag" vibe to it, tho, so we kept the conversation lightly in jest as I just changed the subject really fast to something even funnier. I guess, as with everything else, attitude is everything.
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