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Relationships and Professional Boundaries With Clients?

Are ‘Professional Boundaries’ hurting your massage business?

When do our boundaries come in to play with the relationships we have built with our massage clients?

What guidelines do YOU follow or teach?

It’s all about professional…

…but how far do we take it??

I was in the retail business for over twenty years.

I had professional relationships. Very professional relationships with some of the top leaders in the Las Vegas community.

I still had dinner with them.

We still went and visited shows in Las Vegas and the venue was purely social.

I’ve helped people move from one house to another, consoled them on their businesses, etc., etc.

Yet, I was still professional.

I can hear the next comment coming from a mile away….

“But Kris, you’re in Las Vegas. Isn’t it much more relaxed and social there?”

Not as a professional massage therapist. (As opposed to the local rub and tugs that abound.)

Business is business.

Of course massage therapy is a ‘hands-on’ business. It is more personal than retail, we touch people and lather them up in oils!

The point I’m making is this:

What is your mindset in regards to your beliefs about boundaries and relationships? What were you taught (or are teaching) from massage school that makes absolutely no sense??

When a client speaks to you, do you quickly review their comments in your mind and determine the appropriate response? Or, do you just automatically tune them out because you assume they are being inappropriate?

Our beliefs, morals and values determine our reactions.

What boundary do you have in place that is keeping you from attracting new clients?

That is keeping you from having your existing clients schedule more often with you?

Let me make this clear:

I am NOT advocating ANY inappropriate behavior. We all know what inappropriate behavior is.

Just don’t prematurely flatter yourself and shut-down when a client gives you a wink and a nod. Some people are more personable than others. Some act differently, some VERY differently, to our own personal beliefs (or those beliefs that were instilled in us at massage school.)

Sorry sorry, love me love me, but not everyone who is kind or shows a bit of emotion wants to take advantage of you or have you perform something inappropriate to them.

How often is someone really inappropriate anyway? IF this has happened to you, has it jaded how you view everyone else?

Once again, professional is professional, yet I’ve become a good friend with most of my clients. We have strong relationships.

I’d really like your opinions on this, because somewhere it seems I missed the boat ;)

I know what's worked for me: becoming very perceptive to the Intent behind the comment or action. I quickly determine where it's heading and handle it right then.

Where do YOU draw the line? Where’s the line and how did you determine (the line) between a professional relationship and crossing a professional boundary?

Kris

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Darcy Neibaur on February 1, 2010 at 12:56pm

Joseph I also massaged personal friends in school for free. I have also massaged them whenever I have to do practicals like with Reflexology I needed many practicals. I could not charge them. Since I was licensed I could receive tips on these sessions and they all have been great about giving me great tips. As far as regular massage sessions my personal friends have not yet come for one of those sessions and my reasoning is they do not want to pay full price.

Joseph Matties said:

Ok I read most of this stuff and I love it all. I do think some of the conversations are going in circles but I still like to read it.

So here is my question. What do you do about giving massages to your friends that you had before you were a therapist? I noticed that this makes your friends see you differently. Right now all I do is massage my friends because I'm a student and I can't charge. I massage them for practice and to learn new things. What I have noticed is that I get a lot more calls from these friends when they need help with other things around the house. How do you keep yourself from getting into the position of feeling used or taken advantage of without being an @ss to your friends?

What would you do if you gave a massage to someone a few times and then they ended up asking you out? You find this person attractive but you don't want mix massage with your personal life. Anyone ever been in this situation? How did you deal with it or what do you do?

I'm a very "what if" kinda person lol, my brain is constantly thinking of all kinds of different things. Thanks for any input.

Permalink Reply by Darcy Neibaur on February 1, 2010 at 1:12pm

LOL Kris. I love the response. You have great humor.

Kris Kelley said:

~

Hey Joseph!

So here is my question. What do you do about giving massages to your friends that you had before you were a therapist?

Kris: I give them a massage as a professional massage therapist.

J: I noticed that this makes your friends see you differently. Right now all I do is massage my friends because I'm a student and I can't charge. I massage them for practice and to learn new things. What I have noticed is that I get a lot more calls from these friends when they need help with other things around the house. How do you keep yourself from getting into the position of feeling used or taken advantage of without being an @ss to your friends?

Kris: Address the issues, one by one, in a professional manner. What do we do when this arises in other areas of our life? We handle it.

I've seen all sorts of comments to these discussions. "What if I become friends with a client and now they don't want to pay, or barter with me," or on and on and on...

Again, how do you handle these situations outside of massage? What is the relationship with these people based on? I obviously cannot comment for others, but when I became a massage therapist, my life didn't change all that much. I didn't have people knocking on my door looking to con me out of a massage.

The more encompassing question here is, if this situation occurs such as: 'I've now become a massage therapist and one of my friends wants free massage, or refuses to pay..."

Take a close look at yourself, first. How and why are you allowing this to happen?? What kind of relationships do you really have?

Perhaps I'm a bit jaded on this issue, as I was already a professional in my full time job when I became a massage therapist. I respect myself and others respected me. Even my 'goof-around' friends know me well enough to not attempt to mooch off of me. Did I give out free massages? Sure I did. Did people attempt to take advantage of me? It occured once in awhile.

It's all up to you; do you re-act or respond? For me, there's a difference. How do you address these situations in other areas of your life?

J: What would you do if you gave a massage to someone a few times and then they ended up asking you out? You find this person attractive but you don't want mix massage with your personal life. Anyone ever been in this situation? How did you deal with it or what do you do?

Kris: Well, is she smokin' hot and filthy rich? If so, proceed as the resident massage boy-toy!

KIDDING! JUST KIDDING! Good grief! At times the seriousness just makes me want to throw myself out the window!

...but I will be serious.

This IS your Life we're talking about here. What energy do you give off if everyone and anyone is always attempting to take advantage of you, regardless if it's a massage or any other aspect of your life?

Are you self confident and respectful, an open and honest listener? Or, are you attempting to take advantage of others and they are just mirroring back to you?

J: I'm a very "what if" kinda person lol, my brain is constantly thinking of all kinds of different things. Thanks for any input.

Kris: "What if" is fine. Yet, what ARE you going to do?

In regards to the 'professional' aspect, I've seldom got in trouble when I just say 'No.'

If I'm feeling this just isn't right, I just say no.

I always get in trouble when I don't listen to my inner voice and attempt to manipulate the Universe as opposed to following the Universes' energy as it is. Such as, "I'll say yes and do this, just once...."

It's always trouble.

Kris

P.S. Was this any assistance at all? I'm in a rant and rave mood today ;)

Permalink Reply by rudy m smith on February 17, 2010 at 7:45am

Boundries are both objective and subjective to a point. But boundries also can have important purpose. Opposite sex boundries help a massage therapy practise grow because it is easier for a wife or husband to send their life partners bad back or neck to someone they won't feel "threatened" by later on.
An odd example is a christian LMT who started preaching Jesus to his jewish female client - her husband who initially brought his wife to the male therapist was VERY wealthy and VERY Jewish and VERY outaged. He felt the LMT was misusing his position. I agreed because during massage we can exercise undue influence on the psyche. I spoke to the therapist and some of his other clients and also discovered he was having other boundry issues. He wouldn't change, he lost ALL his clients and was forced to leave the profession. This being all said and done, I have several clients who are friends and several friends who later on became clients. I work on entire families, I hug everyone, I love everyone, and rather than making clients my friends I find I make them part of my (OHANA) hawaiian word for extended family. As far as giving one client favors over another because of their relationship with you... never... And I am personaly booked a year in advance seeing 40 people average per week. I only enter into friendships with clients who are in stable relationships and make me a part of their family just as I make them a part of my family OHANA.

Permalink Reply by rudy m smith on February 17, 2010 at 7:55am

One more important thought - sometimes the folks we think of as friends realy are not. Here is an interesting test. Listen to how they introduce you to their "other" friends at a gathering. If they say this is John Doe, my massage therapist, their label might be saying more obout the quazi relationship than you could otherwise imagine.

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